Why I'll Never Understand Why You Didn't Want Me

Photo: Bricolage / Shutterstock
sad woman

By Brittany Christopoulos

I gave my all for you. I worried myself sick over you every time I knew you had a bad night or were feeling depressed.

I dropped everything I could whenever I needed to to be there for you in whatever way you needed me to. I was loyal, connected, faithful, passionate, loving, and the person everyone said you needed and deserved.

What could I have possibly done to make myself so undesirable?

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We had an undeniable connection that was stronger than tree roots in the soil.

Only a wicked storm could take us down and we never had that. We never even had any rain. Barely ever had an argument that resulted in yelling and tears.

We disagreed, but we moved past it, treated it as a breeze through our branches. There was nothing a good conversation couldn’t fix.

We were happy with each other and made the best of every situation. You were the highlight of my life and the person I would fight for no matter how hard the battle.

I was infatuated by you and was inspired by you like you would never believe.

We influenced each other in the most positive ways and we brought out the best in each other.

Before we even met we shared the same beliefs and goals. Your ambition and dedication are part of what made me fall for you as hard as I did. Those were some of the most admirable and attractive qualities you had upon many.

And I know you loved that I was the same way, too.

I know you loved when we’d talk about the future and get as excited for it as me — you even brought it up most of the time. Didn’t you want it anymore?

You were proud to show me off and have me in your life. You showcased me to the world without any fear.

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Every time you looked at me you had a twinkle in your eye and the biggest smile on your face that no one could wipe off. What happened to that?

Was it another girl that got in our way? One that you couldn’t get over or one that suddenly caught your eye? I don’t believe it was because I don’t know how you could have ever looked away when you were always looking at me.

Regardless of who it was or what happened between us, I tried so hard to gain your attention again and help you regain your focus.

Something kept pulling you away and I can’t describe it.

I blame myself even though I know I did nothing wrong. I can’t seem to figure out the sudden change for the life of me.

Did you doubt that you weren’t good enough for me? Because you were the best thing for me and the dream I wished on every star, birthday cake and fallen eyelash.

It’s a shame to know that we were everything we ever wanted in a person but we just didn’t get the happy ending we wanted with each other.

Who’s to say that we won’t come back into each other’s lives? I’m just impatient and my sense of hope is confident and radiating.

And if it doesn’t happen, well I can still smile and wish you the best despite how much pain you caused me, because you caused a lot more good than you ever did bad.

It will never matter how much time will pass because I will always ask myself why you didn’t want me or what went wrong.

I’ll never have a clear answer no matter how hard I try to get it from you, and I wish that one day we both find that again with someone, whether it is together or not.

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Brittany Christopoulos is a writer, journalist and fill-in TV co-host. She's a Senior Writer and Head of Trending News for Unwritten. Follow her on Twitter.

This article was originally published at Unwritten . Reprinted with permission from the author.