The Harsh Reality Of Losing Your Best Friend To Their Boyfriend

Photo: Dean Drobot / shutterstock
two friends smiling hugging

By Gwendolyn Poppe

You were my person and it was never going to change. Or so I thought.

We took vacations together, spent time with each others’ family, and I didn’t think it would ever change.

I was the one flirting around with everyone in sight while you were my rock. You always tagged along with a smile on your face and advice to share. I never heard complaints or got an attitude from you.

To me, my best friend, my flavor-of-the-week, and I were the three amigos. But then you met someone.

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At first, I couldn’t have been more happy for you! You had found what I always talked to you about!

Your new partner would become one of my new friends and we would have amazingly fun double dates. Most importantly, I would be the person standing strongly by your side through all of your turmoils, just as you had done for me.

But things didn’t go according to my plan.

It was fine at first. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, excusing your absence with the fact that you were in the honeymoon phase. The romance was new, so I politely waited in the wings for my moment to step back on stage.

However, your replies to my messages started coming a day after I had sent them. Then our binge-watching of "Sex and The City" stopped. Then I wasn’t included in brunch.

You traded an old friend for new love.

It’s a lot more common than we realize because we never think it will happen to us. Yet it always does; either someone leaves our side or we leave someone’s side.

The first time that I was the one being cast away, I thought “I would never do that!” or “How could they?” Then I took time to think back and realized I have done that.

When I called you only if my significant other was busy, that was making you a second choice.

When you asked me to hang out but I already had plans with my partner and, instead of canceling them, I had you tag along; that was making you a second choice.

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Each time I vented about my problems with them to you instead of asking how you were doing, that was making you a second choice.

The balance is hard; I’m sure you know this now.

But I can’t go pointing fingers at you because I’m the one who taught you how to act this way.

I was in a relationship before you were, and I set the example of exactly how a friend shouldn’t behave in a new relationship.

So, instead of behaving as I did, you went a completely different route.

You did not make me your second choice; you did not force me to tag along on all of your couple excursions; you did not decide that your partner needed to be one of my friends.

You slowly phased me out instead of putting me through what I had put you through.

Social media accounts became a shrine to the two of you and the pictures of us moved down the timeline, only to resurface for birthday collages.

I could have done more to combat being pushed away, but I accepted that times had changed.

Although I miss you terribly, and things will never be the same, I have our memories that I look back on fondly. I am truthfully so happy that you’re happy.

You always knew I was selfish and hated to share. But we will have our times together again, however few and far between they may be.

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Gwendolyn Poppe is a writer and chapter manager for SUMOskinny. She writes primarily on topics of relationships, entertainment, and pop culture.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.