How To Get Your Best Friend Back (Even When She Hates You)
So you've lost your best friend and now she hates you. There are ways you can get your friendship back on track if you're willing to try.
Djomas Losing a friend is like misplacing a piece of your heart. You wonder where you left it last and hope one day to find it again. Maybe you blame yourself, or perhaps it really is all her fault. Both of you are stubborn, so you just held on to your anger and the next thing you knew it was over.
If you've ever lost your best friend, chances are you still think of her late at night when the two of you would have been texting up a storm. Or when you're out on the town talking about some crazy idea you both knew would never work but she'd be willing to try with you anyway.
You realize there's no one in the world like her. You're dying to break the silence, call a truce, and get your friendship back. But don't know where to start.
It's hard to say you're sorry when you feel like it's not all your fault. It's even harder to swallow your pride when you feel like you can't live without her but she is able to be without you just fine.
But let's say you really are ready to take the high road and reach out with the white flag of surrender? She is the friend who means so much to you even after all this time of silence. If so, here are a few ways to go about making up so you can get back what you lost. Friendship is worth it!
How to Get Your Best Friend Back When They Hate You
1. Take ownership for your part.
The hardest thing to do when you’ve been hurt by someone you trusted is to open yourself up and take a risk in getting hurt again. Your best friend knows your weak spots and it may feel like they have targeted them for the kill.
The bottom line is the reason you want to try to make up is because you are the one who needs to put closer to the problem. The first step in realizing you need to take responsibility for your part is so that you can forgive yourself first for being angry, hurt, and not knowing what to do when the stuff hit the fan.
2. Remember to give the benefit of the doubt.
Sometimes a person assumes they know the motive behind what another person does, and this makes matters even worse. You can't read a person's mind. Just because you know someone inside and out, that doesn't mean you know every single motive behind an action.
Your best friend may have had a reason for saying the things that she said. When and if she does start talking to you again, give her time to share what those things are. Even if it hurts, listen. Give the benefit of the doubt and realize that if you're able to work through this bump in your friendship history, you can have a whole lifetime to work through the problems created by yesterday.
3. Don't hold grudges.
There's a difference between rehashing the past to work through a problem and holding on to the past to avoid allowing yourself to trust again. Try to not keep bringing things up when you remember how angry you felt when things fell apart.
Try to remember that you are both human and human beings make mistakes that are not only forgivable but avoidable.
4. Take negative feedback and use it to grow.
The person who is closest to you often sees the worst in you and loves you just the same. Just because your friend loves you doesn't mean you don't have to hear when you do something wrong.
Try to be open to advice and use your friendship to improve yourself. The best thing in life is a friend who can help you be the best that you can be. That's what friendship is all about.
5. Re-evaluate the situation and ask yourself if you misunderstood the relationship.
There are times when people outgrow one another. Sometimes a friendship can appear to go deep but it’s really just a period of thematic companionship. One person might have bonded more than the other, and there was a misunderstanding in just how deep the relationship grew.
When a friendship dies suddenly out of inconvenience or sheer disagreement, you may just have to accept the fact that your best friend ;was around for a season. Tough truth: Realize that you may never know why the relationship ended.
It’s difficult enough to accept that a friendship has ended but without knowing why can make it difficult to move on. Sometimes there just isn’t any logical reason why. Sometimes a person can really be that cold. The only person you are responsible for is yourself. Once you’ve done the best you can to try and make amends, let it go.
Give yourself permission to mourn the loss with dignity and grace as you learn that every human being as their own way of saying goodbye. You can still honor that time together by writing a letter about how the friendship was a special time was for you, seal it and tuck it away with the intention of opening it a year from now.
You can spend a day organizing things like pictures and memorabilia and putting into a time capsule to reminisce when you're feeling stronger. Whatever you do, remember that the memories you share are a treasure to hold, not bury. You are a better person for having loved.
Aria Gmitter, M.S, M.F.A., is a senior editor and writer for YourTango.