Why Your Disease Doesn't Make You Or Your Life Less Beautiful

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woman sitting in hospital bed
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Self

By Kimi Sorensen

Dear you,

If you’re struggling, I know this feeling.

You feel as though you’ve stepped into the unknown, a world of unfinished sentences. You may feel all alone now but know this: you are loved and admired by people you thought didn’t even notice you.

Likewise, you will be thought of when life tests you in ways you never expected. You will be thought of when your heart is racing. You will be thought of when your head is in your hands and you are wondering how you ended up here.

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There are no words that I can say that will make you feel better right now. There’s nothing I can do that will make you feel completely at ease.

I know you feel that life will be an uphill battle... And it will be.

But I’m here to tell you that you can win this battle and have fun doing it.

Your fears were once my fears, and my accomplishments can soon be yours. You don’t know it now, nor will you know it tomorrow, but you will feel whole again. That half of a person that looks back at you in the mirror will find her other half.

At this point, living until tomorrow is your only goal each and every day. Just as your support system says, you have to keep yourself alive.

The guilt feels as if it’s going to drown you at times. However, it will also gradually become lighter as you start accomplishing things no one ever thought you would. Then, you will also gain an understanding of why life feels so hard.

I know you’re numbly walking through life. I know that because I’ve walked your path before. I’ve felt your numbness, the numbness that has made you so cold, because you don’t want to be hurt again, don’t want your life ripped apart once more.

Hearing bad news can be earth-shattering. But you will learn to make lemonade out of the lemons life keeps throwing at you. You must.

But know this: your world, no matter how small or blurry it feels, is beautiful.

I know you’re scared. I was, too. 

Every experience you have with the unknown makes you more uneasy about the future than you ever thought possible. But sometimes, in order to face your fear, you have to “go there.” 

You have to let yourself be afraid to realize that you have the strength to make it through.

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And sometimes knowing you have the strength to get through your challenges is all you need. Simply knowing you will be able to get through any difficulty that can come your way makes a world of difference. It will allow you to have more control over your life even if you feel like all is lost.

I know the burden of carrying your hardships sometimes feels unbearable. And the uncertainties make you feel like all the effort that you’re putting forth is meaningless.

You feel like the entire world can hear your heartbeat when, in reality, it’s just you. You feel like, as you walk through life, you’re always going to feel this alone, always going to feel like no one gets it except you. 

But I’m here to tell you it will get better.

Words can’t help you right now. No number of hugs can help you right now. And God knows more facts and words of kindness definitely will not help.

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But remember this: as the clouds start to scatter and the sun starts peeking through, life doesn’t end with bad news.

A new chapter of your life is just beginning, and you will learn to mend the broken pieces and put it back together into something spectacular. It might take a while to glue them all together, but you will make it through.

Soon your life will heal, and so will your scars.

You will be left with a memory, proof of what you’ve been through and survived thus far. Your life is hard, insanely emotional, with lots of ups and downs, but nevertheless, it is beautiful, unique, and tremendous.

You only get one, so enjoy it. Even when it seems messy and uncertain. 

Love,

Someone who’s made it through

If you or someone you know is suffering from a disease, there are resources available. For more information, referrals to local treatment facilities and support groups, visit SAMHSA’s website or call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-799-7233, a free 24/7 confidential information service in both English and Spanish. For TTY, or if you’re unable to speak safely, call 1-800-487-4889.

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Kimi Sorensen is a writer who focuses on health and wellness, relationships, and mental health. Her work has been featured on Thought Catalog, The Mighty, and Unwritten.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.