Photo: Evan El-Amin / Shutterstock
Yes, he really just did that.
By Alice Kelly — Written on Mar 12, 2021
What do ex-boyfriends and Donald Trump have in common? A lot. Too much, in fact.
And the Twitter-esque statement he released yesterday about his “beautiful” vaccinations proves it.
Seriously, is someone running a crash course in stalking for creepy ex-boyfriends and bitter ex-presidents without telling us? There are a lot of parallels to unpack here.
The refusal to take accountability for their actions. The penchant for reappearing out of nowhere even after you’ve blocked them on social media. The leftover symptoms of trauma that worsen when they pop up over and over again.
Of course, we’ve seen this behavior from Trump before. Like that time he called the white supremacists who rioted in Charlottesville “very fine people,” despite their having killed one woman and their actions leading to the deaths of two police officers.
This is similar to what happens when an abusive ex tries to gaslight you into thinking his friends are “great guys once you get to know them,” even after you’ve heard them sexually objectifying you on multiple occasions.
Or when Trump “allegedly” paid off multiple women in an effort to cover up any evidence of extramarital affairs ... Kind of like that ex who does everything in his power to hide his cheating and then says, “Babe, I wanted to tell you but I was just so ashamed,” or "It wasn't me! I was hacked!" when you inevitably find out.
Trump's latest statement comes across as particularly desperate considering he's been banned from most popular social media platforms.
There are many reasons Trump’s latest statement reads like a message from a creepy ex.
Here's a look at just five.
1. There was no greeting.
Ex-boyfriends never seem to kick off their unwanted messages with a simple, “Hi, how are you?” Because let’s face it, neither they nor our former President care how we are. They just want to tell us about themselves.
This is why Trump couldn’t even address us at the start of his adoring email. Your ex might even throw in a random selfie to start off — or in Trump's case, use super formal, perhaps even grandiose letterhead.
2. His praise for himself borders on self-worshipping.
Your ex will most likely try to take credit for something that he had nothing to do with in order to win back your attention.
Maybe you’ve just gotten a job promotion, celebrated a milestone, or just looked particularly hot in a photo he just saw, or maybe a vaccine was discovered by scientists who worked tirelessly for months to find a cure to a widespread deadly virus.
Whatever it was, it was all thanks to him — and he’ll make sure to tell you that.
3. He shows no signs of accountability.
Just like Trump refused to acknowledge the 400,000 American lives lost to COVID during his presidency, your ex won’t take accountability for all the trauma he caused along the way to reach whatever milestone he’s now taking ownership over.
Hopefully, your ex has never incited an insurrection just because you were trying to break up with him. But if he has, he’ll make sure to gloss over that also.
4. His words are deliberately aggravating.
Next comes the snide remark he knows will rile you up. He needs to stir up a reaction so he can get the attention he desperately craves, so he’ll throw in a tried and tested comment that has made you furious in the past.
In Trump’s case, he went for his go-to xenophobic COVID comment by mentioning that the virus is “[often] referred to as the China Virus," even though literally no one who is not in his camp has ever called it that.
5. The statement makes him appear delusional.
Finally, just like any classic email, text, or DM from an ex, Trump finished off his statement by attempting to romanticize a time filled with nothing but bad memories.
After tip-toeing around the truth he brings up the “beautiful” vaccines that can’t even begin to undo the damage caused by the pandemic ... Kind of like how your ex would make you sad and lonely for months but eventually take you out for dinner and act like everything was ok again.
He does this to try and pull at your heartstrings, hoping to find that self-destructive part of you that might take him back.
Then he’ll sign off, like Trump, saying “I hope everyone remembers!” while referring to what was literally the worst time in your life, a time that you only talk about when you’re with your therapist in the hopes they will help you forget it.
It's time for us all to just move on.
Alice Kelly is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York. Catch her covering all things social justice, news, and entertainment.