What It Means When Your Ex Keeps Asking Your Friends About You

Do they want you back?

By Alice Kelly — Written on Jul 23, 2020

Photo: shutterstock

What It Means When Your Ex Keeps Asking Your Friends About You

Breakups are filled with thousands of questions that remain unanswered long after the relationship ends. Those questions probably include: Does my ex still think about me? Is it normal if my ex wants to be friends? Should you be friends with your ex at all?

Even though sometimes it's better not to know, when you have mutual friends who still talk to you both, mysteries are non-existent. These shared friends can ruin your chance at a clean break when you’re hearing about your ex's every movement and thoughts.

Sometimes, you end up getting more answers than you need — or worse, you end up with more questions than ever before.

If your ex has been hitting up mutual friends and checking in on you, you’re probably confused. What does this mean? Do they want you back? Are they just being friendly? Are they trying to tell you something?

It’s hard to answer these questions. Your ex might not even know why they’re doing it either. But we can always guess what their intentions are based on the kinds of questions they’re asking.

Here's what it means when your ex keeps asking friends about you.

Keep in mind that these are only a few possible reasons for your ex’s incessant questions to your friends.

1. They miss you and want you back.

Admit it: even if you’re the one doing the dumping, part of you always wants your ex to miss you a bit. No one wants to feel like someone is better off without you, even though sometimes that is the case.

So, yes, it’s very possible that your ex is asking about you because they miss having you in their life. They want to know how you’re doing, if you’re thriving post-breakup, or if maybe part of you misses them, too.

It’s possible they want you back but are just too scared to reach out, so they’re trying to put some feelers out there by talking to your friends. If they’re asking questions about your love life or whether you talk about them, they may be hoping to rekindle your romance.

2. They want to be friends.

Staying friends after a breakup sounds like a good idea, but it rarely happens without a lot of effort on both sides.

If you’ve lost contact with your ex but they’re talking to your friends about you, they could be hoping to work on your platonic relationship. They might be over your romantic history, but that doesn’t mean they don’t value you.

They want you back in their life as a friend and could be hoping your mutual friends can make it happen. Signs they want to be friends include asking your friends to invite you to group events so they can see you.

3. They just care about you.

Sometimes, we read too much into little things our ex does in the hopes of finding some deeper meaning. It’s very possible that they’re only asking about you because they want to know how you’re doing.

You once played an important role in their life, so it’s only natural that they want to check in and make sure you’re doing okay. They respect your space so they don’t want to reach out to you directly.

Asking your friends helps them get the answers they want without risking upsetting you. If they ask about your family, or if you’re doing well, it’s likely that they just want to hear about you, but don’t necessarily want to hear from you.

4. They’re toxic.