Love, Self

What To Do If Your Friend Wants To Date Your Ex

Photo: Trung Thanh via Unsplash
Relationship Advice For How To Handle When A Friend Wants To Date Your Ex

By Brittany Christopoulos

We all know that seeing your ex move on always evokes some sort of emotion. It may be anger, embarrassment, amusement, or even envy.

But, what happens when the person they’re moving on to is your friend? Here’s how to handle a friend who wants to date your former partner.

RELATED: 3 Reasons Why You Should Never Date Your Friend's Ex

Traditionally, you assume a friend would never think it’s okay to be romantically interested in your ex, let alone actively pursue them. It’s the ultimate girl code, right? But, the situation still does happen.

If your friend approaches you about it, it’s important to emphasize that dating an ex can jeopardize your friendship. Obviously, emotions are complicated, but try to remain calm.

At the same time, you shouldn’t suppress your feelings. You must be honest about how it makes you feel, because it could cause a lot of issues down the road.

If you genuinely don’t mind her dating your ex, then tell your friend so. If it’s going to be a problem for you, then be honest.

You don’t want it to develop into secret remorse or hate-filled anger towards both of them. If the thought of them dating makes you that uncomfortable, then make it clear to your friend.

If the start of their romantic relationship means the end of your friendship, then they should know that before they start dating that person. Moreover, it’s important to remember that not all people would be bothered by the idea of a friend and an ex dating.

RELATED: 5 Questions You Need To Ask Before Staying "Friends" With Your Ex

Sometimes, breakups aren’t nasty and you just didn’t work out — there doesn’t always have to be bad blood. If your breakup was amicable and you feel you could handle them dating a friend, then vocalize that.

Still, be mindful of old feelings coming back and give your friend a warning, just in case.

No matter what your feelings are, you always have to keep the lines of communication open. You also have to take things slow and not keep any secrets.

You don’t need to know every detail of their dating life — just honesty upfront that they’ve started seeing each other. 

However, if your friend just starts dating your ex without having a conversation with you first, you should cut ties with your friend. Clearly, they don’t have enough respect for you to give you a heads up. A friend that cares about your feelings wouldn’t do that.

I would cut a girl out of my life really fast if she dared try to pull me out from under the rug like that. Friendship breakups hurt more than relationship ones do, but I’d have no choice in this situation. Anyone would feel extremely betrayed and angry by a snake in the grass of a friend like that.

Ultimately, it all comes down to your unique relationships. 

It’s generally smarter for friends to avoid dating exes, but if you really aren’t bothered by it, don’t overthink it.

You need to do whatever is best for you and as long as you talk your way through every phase and they are respectful of your feelings, then they obviously still care about your friendship.

It’s a tricky situation, but good friends can always sort it out with communication and honesty.

RELATED: 4 Things To Know Before Dating A Guy Who's Still Friends With His Ex

Brittany Christopoulos is a writer who focuses on relationships, breakups, and friendship. For more of her relationship content, visit her Twitter page.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.