How To Win Your Ex Back (And Maintain Self-Respect) If Breaking Up Was Your Idea
Get him back.
getty Trying to get your ex back after a breakup can be very hard, especially if you're coming to realize it was a mistake to cut the relationship off.
When you break up, you probably feel like it's so hard to move on in life. If you broke up with someone, you have to really think about the reasons as to why you did so, and also ask yourself why you want them back.
It can be hard to move on, especially if you love them. Once you've both had some space, you can decide if your relationship is still something you want to pursue after a period apart.
So, give each other some space and just think rationally about what you want. And if you decide that you cannot move on without trying to win them back, here's how to win you ex back — without sacrificing any of your self-respect.
1. Overcome feelings of insecurity, neediness, and desperation.
These feelings of inadequacy will cause you to mess up all your chances of having a relationship with your ex ever because they are not going to want someone that is overbearing with their insecurities.
2. Don't beg your ex to be with you.
Begging them to stay when they obviously don't want to is not a way to keep them. You cannot change their mind by pleading with them to stay.
3. Come from a place of practical realization, not pity.
Saying that you cannot live without them will not make them stay. And do you really want your ex to be with you just because they pity you?
4. Don't let your ex walk all over you.
Out of desire, you may just agree to do just about anything they may want to get them back. But this is unfair to you.
You have to make it a point that your emotions, wants, and needs matter as much as they do. So, sometimes you have to try and watch out that you don't let them walk out all over you.
5. Try to refrain from calling or texting your ex constantly.
When people are desperate to get their ex back, they will blow up their phone. But this is a huge mistake.
You may think that if you keep in contact with them, then they cannot forget about you. But in reality, you are showing them that you are super needy and it will push them away more than anything else you can do.
6. Don't shower them with affection without receiving any in return.
Showing them too much affection can be very overbearing and can push them away. You may feel like they should only be with you, but that's not right. You probably cannot convince them that you are the only person that will love them in this world. This is just manipulative.
7. Don't call your ex names out of anger.
Calling your ex names does not make them want to be with you. It can turn into abuse and that does not foster a healthy relationship. You may not be able to win them back, and resorting to name-calling only makes you look bad.
8. Don't freak out if they start dating someone else.
It can be hard to see your ex move on, but you have to let them date other people. In the process, they may realize no one compares to you and come back, but going on a jealous rage isn't going to do you any favors.
9. Don't misinterpret your obsession and turn your relationship into something it's not.
When you become obsessed with your ex after a breakup it can be very difficult for you to think of anything else but getting them back in your life.
10. Don't bring your kids into it.
If you have kids, do not to use your children to exploit and manipulate your ex into getting back in a relationship with you. Your children are not pawns and should not be used as such.
11. Identify both of your core wants and needs.
It's important for you to be aware of both of your core wants and needs in a relationship. If you are not sure what you want in a relationship, how can you be ready to be with someone else? So, you have to really start to understand yourself and your wants, to figure out if you are really capable of being together.
If your wants and desires match, then you may be able to be together. But if you impose your wants and desires onto your partner, you are blinding yourself. So, you have to learn their core wants and desires before you do anything else.
It's time to take off the rose-colored glasses and see your ex for who they are. If you still love them, then respect them for their wants and desires because you both have to be aware of what they need for you both to be content in a relationship.
12. Change communication methods.
It's crucial for you to change how you are communicating with your ex. You have to learn how to talk to each other in a productive manner.
If you tend to resort to yelling, try sitting down for a nice talk over coffee in a public space that will help keep you level-headed. If you ignore things, force yourself to talk about it. If you text, call each other because it can be hard for you to read tone through text.
It's just important to make quality changes in your relationship.
13. Start over.
It's important to not get back together and start where you left off. Start a whole new relationship with a clean slate. Leave the past in the past and let yourself have the chance to create a stronger foundation for your relationship to grow on.
Emily Francos is a writer who covers astrology, pop culture, and relationship topics.