4 Lessons I Learned From Being Ghosted In 2020

By Travis Barnes

As someone who has been ghosted more than once, I know that it can be pretty hurtful. From friendships to dating, it has happened to most of us and it often leaves us in a state of confusion.

What’s more, you then ask yourself: “What did I do wrong?”

Many things will run through your head as you scroll through the message thread, conversations, and other interactions on social media.

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Still, you will never be sure about what really happened. But with all things come a lesson and I am ready to explain the four that I have learned.

1. Being angry is natural.

Yes, you are angry — and it’s completely natural. It is always challenging to express irritation with a situation, especially if you are not a fan of conflict, but being ghosted will bring you to an angry spirit. A spirit that cannot be denied.  

So, it’s important to remember that it is okay to be angry. As that anger boils, it shows that you are willing to stand your ground and demand how you want to be treated.

I would never advise you to lash out and slice their tires or send long rants, but I do recommend that you do not shame yourself for being ghosted. Thanks to that, you learn new relationship criteria and further understanding of what annoys you.

With those new lessons, you will become a better partner who knows how to communicate.  

2. Words can only tell you so much.

Usually, the first thing that is usually hit after being ghosted is the trust that you have for someone. With that newly popped trust, it is difficult to trust the next person who steps into your life.

However, this is the best time to remember the old saying: Actions speak louder than words. More than likely, you communicated every day — if not all day — with this person, and you have spoken about things that can be considered sensitive.

With all ghosting scenarios, we usually reflect on past actions and words that were said, and we realize that a lot was said, but the minimum effort was made.  

Trust always has to be earned and never given. The only way that trust can be gained is to be reliable with your actions. It is still difficult to understand that an individual can say so many beautiful things without truly meaning them, but it happens.

After being ghosted, you learn not to trust everyone, but wait for them to show you that they deserve it.  

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3. It just didn’t work out.

Yes, meeting new people and daydreaming about what is going to happen is great. It usually goes like this: You meet someone new, y’all go out, build some sort of a bond, and then, boom — they are gone.

After all that euphoria, it just ends abruptly, and I am here to tell you that sometimes, it just simply does not work out.

Everything can be perfect and still end. It is sad, I know, but it happens. It is easier said than done to not take it personally, but at times, you have to. People change in a matter of seconds, and their attention can switch just as fast.

Things do not work out, which is harsh to say, but all you can do is keep your chin up and keep going. It is not the end of the world, just the end of something that was not meant for you.  

4. Actions do speak.

Being ignored can be quite obvious. For example, you have sent a text or DM and got no reply. However, the person posts to every social media platform. That is an action you can’t ignore. Since they do receive these messages, they simply don’t value you enough to reply. 

Your actions will play a major part, no matter if they are positive or negative. So make sure you take that into account when you are meeting someone new and understand that they are unsure of how you do things. Take your time and understand one another.

Overall, ghosting is harsh on both parties. Nonetheless, it happens. But the biggest lesson is to press on and understand that things happen in life. And you will be okay regardless.

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Travis Barnes is a writer who focuses on dating, relationships, and love. For more of his dating content, visit his author profile on Unwritten.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.