What Happens When You Marry A Godly Man: 3 Hard Truths About Being The Wife Married To A Church Pastor

The truth can hit hard on this one.

By Jesse Oakley — Written on Jan 27, 2021

Photo: wideonet / Shutterstock

3 Hard Truths About Being The Wife Married To A Church Pastor

A man who loves God is one who is committed to his faith. Some men, early in their lives, feel called to serve their church in full-time ministry.

He might be the type of man who becomes a leader of a megachurch or he might run a small Bible study or decide to go to seminary school and enter pastoral counseling.

These godly men often marry one woman, and sometimes she might not have felt called to ministry.

However, her love for him can be the reason she accepts the role of a pastor's wife or the woman who is married to a godly man in full-time service to God.

The role of the wife of a church pastor is one that’s changed drastically over the years.

Where there once was the expectation of them only staying home, doing housework and taking care of the kids, it’s now become that they should work and pursue things they love as well.

Yeah, I know it’s not picture-perfect like that, but the times have certainly trended in that direction. You can at least admit it’s come a long way from the 1950s Leave It To Beaver scenario.

But that’s also not to say that everything has changed. While some wives may have life easier now because of the way things have are now, there’s one wife where things haven’t changed by much: the pastors’ wife.

You all know her. The woman that seems perfectly calm and content, is at every social gathering for the church and at times almost seems more like the pastor’s secretary than a wife.

Or, maybe you are her. No matter the side you're on, the truth is that despite the fact we’ve come a long way from the expected casserole-cooking, emotionless doll perception, life for the wife of a pastor still isn’t easy.

Unfortunately, while you may be happy in the church and in your faith, you still have a lot to contend with. Specifically, the rest of the congregation and what they say and think.

Y’know, it’s really kinda bizarre how fast the rumor mill spins in a church. It gets close to matching my high school in terms of how quickly one would spread through a body of people.

Because of this dynamic, a brutal truth rises to the surface.

1. You will experience loneliness.

The Brutal Truth: Because of your position in the church, you will always be held to a higher standard and to higher expectations than anyone else, and because of this you’ll be left with a feeling of isolation.

2. You'll struggle with your flaws.

People in the congregation expect you to be perfect and if you have kids, them too. You’re supposed to be the ideal family, similar to the example I gave earlier.

Among other expectations are you not being allowed to show any true emotion, attending every single social event for the church, and all eyes will always be on you, like a fish in a fishbowl.

3. People will place unrealistic expectations on you.

Because of the way you’re treated, (being held in higher regard) people will always keep their distance from you and may even stop talking when you show up.

Even if you do strike up a conversation with others, you can feel the awkwardness and unease between you. That would feel discouraging to anyone.

If you are a pastor wife, maybe you agree with this, but at the same time, maybe you don’t. You may think it’s not all that difficult and it’s not as lonely as I make it out to be.

Honestly, your own opinion is more valid than mine. I’m not a pastor wife and every church is different. You could be perfectly happy and that’s great.

But just because you are, doesn’t mean everyone else is.