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If you notice these signs, get out now!
By Unwritten — Written on Aug 17, 2019
By: Justine Steckling
Everyone knows what physical abuse is.
However, emotional abuse seems to be poorly defined in the minds of many.
That vague understanding of what emotional abuse entails makes it easy for abusers to inflict it on unsuspecting victims.
Luckily, the organization One Love launched an aggressive ad campaign using the hashtag #ThatsNotLove to raise awareness of emotional abuse.
Be aware of these signs of abuse, and watch out for yourself and your loved ones.
1. There is distrust from the moment your relationship starts
You may assume that it’s just your partner being protective of your new connection.
However, that is no reason not to trust you.
It’s a huge red flag for controlling and manipulative behavior if your new partner is going through your phone.
If your new romantic partner is looking at your messages and commenting on your private conversations, #ThatsNotLove.
2. They berate you for talking to or seeing your friends/family
You may begin to believe the most common lie used in these situations.
Moreover, you’ll be less likely to run to your friends and family when your abuser hurts you.
That’s how the abuser is manipulating you.
Many emotional abusers seek to throw their victims into social isolation.
If your partner gets moody every time you bring up your best friend or your parents, #ThatsNotLove.
3. They prevent you from staying rightfully angry
Especially about someone hurting you. They’re employing what is known as love bombing.
Every time you two have a big blowout, you threaten to leave and they respond by showering you with an unusual amount of love and affection until you agree to stay, you are being love-bombed.
It is a very common tactic used to manipulate victims into doing what the abuser wants, especially when it comes to not terminating the relationship.
lf you’re showered with an undue amount of affection every time you have an argument, but once you forgive, it comes back to normal, #ThatsNotLove.
4. They want control of your finances
Especially if they do not work themselves, there is a good chance they are just looking to trap you.
Taking control of someone’s finances can ruin any chance they have at ending the relationship without falling back on someone to take care of them – and abusers often subject the victim to social isolation prior to taking over their finances.
If someone asks for your paycheck or wants equal control of your finances very early on in the relationship, #ThatsNotLove.
5. They don’t hit you, but they threaten to hurt you
That is a problem.
Whether your partner is threatening to hit you or just threatening you by hitting the wall next to your head, threats should be taken seriously.
It does not take much for people to cross the line from threatening to actually hurting a loved one.
Threatening to hurt someone you profess to love? #ThatsNotLove
6. They are constantly questioning your emotional responses to situations
By critiquing what you have to say, belittling your thoughts and feelings, #ThatsNotLove.
It is commonly known as gaslighting.
It is designed to make people feel that they need their partner to help them function normally in the world.
Furthermore, it deepens their isolation from the people around them.
7. They scream, curse, or break things to intimidate you
Run! Most adults know that you can have a civilized conversation about a disagreement without scaring the other person into agreeing with you.
Abusers are not most adults, however, and they put on this dramatic show in order to try to overpower you.
Whether they’re screaming at the top of their lungs, swearing at you, throwing things at you, breaking things, putting holes in the wall, or driving unsafely while you’re in the car, it’s important you know that. #ThatsNotLove
For more information on emotional abuse, please visit joinonelove.org or visit their YouTube channel and watch the #ThatsNotLove videos for yourself.
While many people experience emotional abuse at the hands of their romantic partners, only a few can catch the abuse at the start of the relationship and get out before it becomes too dangerous.
If you or someone you know is in an emotionally abusive partnership, I urge you or your loved one to leave.
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Justine Steckling is a writer who focuses on relationships, mental health, and abuse. For more of her content, visit her page on Unwritten.
This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.