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He won't be able to give you everything you deserve.
By The Mind's Journal — Written on Jan 26, 2019
By Shweta Advani
Love is the most sought after human emotion but love is more than instinctual. It is important to use our intellect and judgment as well along with our heart so that we can make the right decisions. Otherwise, we can become so blinded in love that we can stay stuck in dead-end and one-sided relationships.
If you feel like you are giving your all in the relationship and still your relationship is not moving forward, it could be because your partner is still in love with his ex and needs to sort out his feelings before he can move forward in another relationship.
Here is a list of 13 telltale signs that your partner is still not over his ex:
1. He’s still angry with her.
If a person is still angry with their ex, it is a clear red flag that they are not over their ex yet. Their anger is just a manifestation of the pain and hurt they carry inside because of the ending of the relationship.
If a person has truly moved on from his ex-relationship, he becomes apathetic and indifferent to the ex instead of seething with anger towards them.
Anger and hatred just go to show that they still have intense feelings for their ex-partner and have not come to terms with the break up yet.
2. All the little things remind him of her.
If all the little things like what you wear, how you talk, the places you visit or what perfume you wear reminds him of her, then he is clearly not over his ex yet.
He should ideally take more time to notice and compliment you instead of talking about his ex all the time.
If he doesn’t have his heart 100% in the relationship, you should just move on, girl.
3. He’s still interested in her life.
If he still makes efforts to find out what is going on in her life, whether by asking common friends or checking her social media feed or stalking her, it is a major red flag that he still has feelings for her and is hoping to get back together with her.
While it is okay to remain friends with your ex, it is not okay to obsess about every little thing that is happening in their life or being too involved in their life.
4. He is still in touch with her family.
When you are in a relationship, it is very obvious that you would want to be in touch with your partner’s friends and family. But, as soon as the relationship gets over, the contact with the friends and family slowly fades away.
If your partner is still making efforts to stay in touch with his ex’s family, it could be either because he is trying to keep a tab on his ex’s life to find out if they are still single and if he still has a chance to get them back.
He could also be trying to impress the family so that he could ask their support for getting his ex back.
5. He still stalks her on social media.
If a person is over his ex, he should not be liking every comment and photo of his ex on social media.
If he is still doing that, it is a clear sign that he is trying to get her attention and hoping to rekindle the spark.
6. He compares you to her.
If he keeps on comparing the two of you in all the small instances like how she used to cook food, how she used to dress up, or how intelligent or mature she is, he is just consciously or unconsciously comparing you with her and that’s not a good thing to do.
You are a unique individual and you should be with someone who likes you for who you are and not someone who is trying to turn you into a mirror image of his ex.
7. He talks about his past a lot.
We all talk about the past to remember and relive the good times. If he keeps on talking about his ex, about the things they did together or the places they visited together, it is a clear sign that he still misses the good times spent with her.
If he keeps on bringing up their vacations together or daily rituals, he is clearly missing her big time.
8. He shares about his life with her more than he shares with you.
If he shares about his dreams, passion and what’s going on his life with her more than he shares with you, he clearly shares more comfort and bonding with her than he shares with you.
Comfort, trust, and bonding are the basic building blocks of a good, fulfilling and long-lasting relationship.
If you don’t have these things in your relationship, then you have some reflection to do and take an appropriate course of action.
9. He is hesitant to commit to you.
It is normal to take time to commit to someone. But if you have been dating him for quite some time and he is still hesitant to commit to you, it goes to show that he is still unsure about you or he is still not over his ex.
If he keeps on dodging the question of where things are at, he is probably not too keen to take the relationship forward.
10. He keeps on bringing up her name randomly in conversations.
When we like someone, we can’t help but bring up their name randomly in our conversations. It is because that person is constantly on our mind.
If your partner keeps on bringing his ex’s name randomly in conversations, then you can imagine how much she is playing on her mind and how badly he misses her.
11. He still talks to her and hangs out with her without informing you.
Sometimes people stay friends with their exes especially if they were good friends before they started dating.
But if your partner hangs out with his ex without even informing you, then he is not as honest in the relationship with you as he should be.
If he had no intentions of getting back with his ex and if he shared a healthy relationship with you, he wouldn’t mind telling you about hanging out with his ex.
12. He’s hot and cold with you.
It is very easy to tell how a person feels about you if you watch their behavior. If someone genuinely likes you, his care and concern for you will be consistent.
But if a person is unsure about their feelings about you, it will reflect in the inconsistency of their behavior.
If he goes on for days without talking to you and then comes back and showers you with love and affection only to disappear again, he is not really sure about his feelings about you and just keeping you as an option.
13. The breakup wasn’t his choice.
Breakups are always hard, more so if the breakup wasn’t your choice. The person at the receiving end of the break up has a hard time accepting that it is over.
His mind struggles for closure. He keeps on wondering, “What did I do wrong?”, “Why couldn’t I read the signs that it is going to end?”, “What could I have done differently to save the relationship?”
If your partner is still struggling with these questions in his mind, he is definitely not over his ex and he needs some time to sort his feelings before he can move forward in another relationship.
Shweta Advani is an HR consultant by profession, a slam poet, and a freelance writer. Follow her on Twitter.
This article was originally published at The Mind's Journal. Reprinted with permission from the author.