10 Unbelievable Tinder Messages I've Actually Received

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10 Unbelievable Tinder Messages I've Actually Received
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Before you scoff at my standards, I get it. Sending a message on Tinder is an awful task. Nobody knows what to say, or how to say it, and I’m thankful that people are even speaking at all.

But sometimes I receive messages from men on Tinder that barely qualify as communication, and dammit if I don’t think I, as a woman of the world, deserve more. I’m not looking for Shakespeare — just sense.

Below, the very best of the very worst Tinder messages.

RELATED: 27 Failed Dating App Opening Lines You Should Probably Avoid At All Costs

1. “Great ones.” 

Great whats, exactly? We’re looking at a multitude of multiples here and I’m going to need you to be more specific. Great photos? Great eyes? Great in-bio one-liners? Or are you making some sort of homage reference to great heroes of the past? Political figures? Athletes? Human Rights advocates? Elaborate, damn you! Elaborate!

2. “C-U-T-E.” 

Ripped directly from the pages of Frat Flirting, Chapter 3, Section 1, this message was no doubt intended as a compliment, but with regrettably laughable consequences. Disagree? Imagine a man coming up to you in a public place and paying you this compliment. Like it doesn’t have to even be a stranger as in this situation. A man you’ve known since high school could come up and say this to you and it would be the weirdest thing ever.

3. A GIF of a man in a bear costume holding an inverted umbrella in the wind.

No other information. No, it wasn’t raining that day. There was no context, reasoning, or explanation for this. What. In. The. Hell.

4. “Drinks or Netflix/Chill?” 

So the literal translation, I get. What I don’t get is this: Usually “or” is used to compare two options that are both acceptable and relatively appropriate under the circumstances. Would you like sparkling or still? Dining room or patio? Table or booth? This man just gave me the option of a glass of Chardonnay, or sex with a stranger. Ladies and gentlemen, this is dating.

5. An emoji of the two beer mugs clinking. 

We’ve really taken it back to cave drawings, haven’t we? This mammal couldn’t be bothered to write the actual words needed to ask me to meet him for a drink, and instead found it sufficient to play Pictionary. No no, actual words are unnecessary–an emoji is plenty. She’ll get my meaning. I get his meaning. I do not get why he was released from the zoo.

RELATED: 50 Funny Pick Up Lines To Use The Next Time You're Flirting With Someone

6. “I like your face.” 

Thanks?

7. “Pretty sure I saw you in the subway this past weekend” — with a gif of Hillary Clinton getting on the subway.

No additional information. Do you ever want to just like…scream really loud in public and then walk into a shop and buy a hat?

8. The lipstick kiss emoji.

Hooboy. Not unlike #5, but more confusing. What is he saying here? Is he giving me, a total stranger, a kiss? That’s a chargeable offense in public. Does he want me to kiss him, a total stranger? Did he hit the wrong button? Is he referencing a Lisa Frank graphic? What is going on?

9. “Horns.” 

To be fair, I attended the University of Texas at Austin. Our mascot is a Longhorn. This could have been a potential reference to that. But honestly, horns?? I feel like the first time you communicate with a woman on Tinder you can aim just a teeny bit higher than this. Horns. Delete app.

10. “I know this granola.” 

No references to granola in either of our profiles, this was the first message he sent me. No follow up message to suggest it was a typo. I…I don’t even know what to say anymore. I just wanted to leave this here for you. xo

RELATED: I Sent X-Rated, Perverted Texts To Every Nice Guy On Tinder And WHOA

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Shani Silver works on content, copy, & brand voice. She is a fast walker and morning person. Read more of her work on Medium.

This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.