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It's all about paying attention.
By Polina Solda — Written on Jul 30, 2018
It sounds manipulative, “get a man to do what you want,” but if doing what you want makes him happy, it’s a different story. So how do you “have it all” when a man does exactly what you want AND it makes him happy?
“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” — Marcel Proust
1. Appreciate him.
When you show him how much you appreciate what he does, he’ll do more and more. What you appreciate, appreciates. The same goes for men.
The key here is not to expect him to do things and then take for granted what he does. Every time he does something — giving you a fresh bouquet of flowers, an orgasm or a compliment — appreciate it with “thank you,” and more.
2. Reciprocate.
When you do something for him, you create a flow of give-and-take that is the same in nature. We derive pleasure from both receiving and giving, so a balance is a must.
Someone labeled a “taker” misses this universal truth and ends up having much less than she would if she chose to reciprocate. Look for ways to give back to him — your love, time, attention, resources — without keeping score.
“A real man won’t date the most beautiful girl in the world — he’ll date the girl that makes his world beautiful.” — Anonymous
3. Inspire him.
When you learn to look at things from his point of view, you inevitably find a hidden leverage point that wasn’t obvious to you before. If you are truly passionate and excited about something and come from a place of simply wanting to share your source of joy with him, he’d more likely be open to it as well.
In the language of personal growth programs like Landmark or Momentum Education, “enroll him into a possibility that moves, touches and inspires him.”
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” ― George Bernard Shaw
4. Communicate.
As simple as it may sound, oftentimes we don’t express our true wants, needs, and desires. The reality is that when you openly and clearly let your man know what makes you happy, he’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen.
As the old saying goes, “Happy wife, happy life.” Remember, he can’t read your mind, so make it easy for him by simply saying something like, “You’ll be my hero if you [insert whatever you want him to do].”
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”- Dr. Suess
5. Celebrate.
When you turn a seemingly ordinary situation or event into a celebration (whatever it means to you: jumping on the bed, giving him one hundred kisses, surprising him in new lingerie), you literally re-wire his brain for new associations and patterns for the same actions.
For example, his ex-girlfriend criticized him for the “wrong way” he cleaned the dishes. So, after he cleaned the dishes at your home, you give him a loving kiss and a “thank you” for helping you keep your perfect manicure. Now, you two can dance in the kitchen, take a bubble bath or cuddle in bed-whatever celebrating in the moment feels like to you.
Polina Solda, Certified Coach & Dating Expert, is the CEO & Founder of Find Love and Keep It, a NYC-based dating and relationship company that empowers women to date with crystal clarity, master their mindset and develop high self-value skills so that they can fall in love and create a fulfilling lasting relationship with the right man.
This article was originally published at Thought Catalog. Reprinted with permission from the author.