Photo: alissa kumarov/shutterstock
Anyone can have a great profile picture, but a good conversation starter is key.
By Sofia Stewart — Written on Feb 07, 2021
Your first impression on any dating app matters, even if it’s through text.
So, it's important to know what to say on Tinder when messaging someone you're interested in for the first time.
What is a good first message to send on Tinder?
Though it can be pretty intimidating to send the first message, always steer clear of the cliché and pointless "hey" or "what's up." Your first message should be a question about something on their profile, a flirty compliment, or even a cheesy pick-up line (as long as it's super obvious you're being funny and not sleazy).
Some examples include:
"What's your favorite restaurant?"
"Your muscles are impressive! What's your favorite kind of work out?"
"Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest!"
How To Start A Conversation On Tinder
A good first impression starts with a great profile picture that will get your potential Tinder match thinking.
One of the many benefits of Tinder is there are more options to control your local proximity and plenty of filters that help you find someone new. So, when you do find someone you're interested in and you match with each other, starting a conversation on Tinder with the aforementioned compliment, pick-up line or question are good options.
Just make sure the conversation reflects who you are and your personality; you don't want to start talking to someone as your persona!
What should I message a guy on Tinder?
Many girls are hard-pressed to message someone first, and that can be difficult, especially if they want a real relationship and are trying to get something started. Be sure to message him about his interests, what you have in common, or even flatter him if that's more your speed.
Overall, remember to be yourself when you message a guy. If he's slow to respond or the conversation doesn't go anywhere, don't waste your time trying to keep his attention; it's likely you'll ever meet up in real life anyway.
Tinder Message Dos and Don'ts:
Let's talk about the kind of conversations you don't want to start with a woman on Tinder, and those conversation starters you do.
Dos
Do try to give her an insightful opening message: Don't go for dull, canned greetings. This means to resist blending in with other guys and using safe greetings like "hey" or "hello." All this will lead to is the girl deleting the conversation. The whole point of a dating site or app is to give people time to express themselves in a way they wouldn't if they were face-to-face. "Hey" tells her diddly squat.
Do get to know her before you message her: Her pictures are a visual bio that helps connect to her audience what she’s into. Her Tinder profile gives you insight into her hobbies, interests, and beliefs. Use that info (that she readily gave you) to start up a conversation with substance.
Do use her name in your message: This is a key trick that anyone should know when talking to a woman. This subconsciously creates an emotional bond that makes it more comfortable for her to interact with you.
Do evoke emotion and use humor: This helps anyone stand out from the crowd. A woman adores someone who knows how to make her laugh or ponder something, or who at least knows how to start the conversation! Look up some classy (clean) jokes to get a good conversation going.
Don'ts
Don't tell a woman how beautiful she is right off the bat: Sure, she may be wearing a bikini or a dress in her photos, but women challenge men to look past beauty. If the first thing you do is start steering the conversation toward how pretty she looks, she'll lose interest quickly. If you’ve already swiped right, then that indicates that you already find her attractive — no need to tell her the same thing a million guys before you have likely already said.
Don't send a thirst message: There’s a potential genuine woman on the other end of that app — not an adult film actress ready to send their location. Sending thirsty messages right up front reveals how condescending you are toward women.
Don't be afraid to give her an intellectual challenge: For example, if she believes that "meditation is key to good mental health," don’t be afraid to disagree and comment something like, "I believe intense intermediate workout has a great effect on mental health." Lots of women dig being challenged. If you’re offering an interesting conversation on the plate. Just don't be super-argumentative or put her down.
Don't neg her: It's one thing to present a woman with a little bit of a flirty challenge, but negging — the practice of trying to get a woman's attention by knocking her confidence — is just plain abusive and distasteful. Whether or not you think negging "works," just don't.
If you need a little more help knowing exactly what to say to a girl on Tinder, take a look at these pick-up lines, Tinder openers, and helpful conversation starters to help you make a good first impression.
Not only will you be more likely to have dating success, but there's a big chance of taking a girl on a date if you're compatible!
9 Cheesy Pickup Lines That Might Be Funny To A Girl On Tinder
1. Use movie puns ('Star Wars' references are a great start).
“You’re looking for love in Alderaan places.”
2. Use her name in your opening message.
"Are you a doctor, Sarah? Because I'm going to need one since I’m dying over how adorable you are in that picture with your cat.”
3. Show off a sense of humor.
You: “Have you ever been to Antarctica?”
Her: “No, why?”
You: “No way! Neither have I. We have so much in common!”
4. Play around with the fact that you don't know what to say.
“Hi, I’m doing a survey of which pick-up line is the worst:
A. Do you come here often?
B. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
C. Hi, I’m doing a survey of which pick-up line is the worst.”
5. Use cheesy jokes to get her to smile.
“I value my breath, so I’d appreciate it if you’d stop taking it away.”
6. Use the distance between you to your advantage.
“I see you’re ___ miles away from me. That's weird; I thought heaven would be farther.”
7. Engage her in an interesting conversation (or a silly one).
“Pardon me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?”
8. Choose a feature to praise.
"If your personality is as beautiful as your smile, then you must be incredible."
9. Use other guys' attempts to contact her to your advantage.
"I’d tell you you’re cute, but someone else probably did that already, so why don't you describe yourself in three emojis instead?"
The 10 Best Conversation Starters For A Good First Impression On Tinder
10. Ask her about things that aren't in her bio.
"What is your favorite vacation spot in the world, and have you been there, or is it a future goal?"
11. Notice her animal companions.
“Your German Shepherd is adorable! How long have you had him?"
12. Show you pay attention to her profile.
“The beach in your picture reminds me of the beach my friends and I used to surf at. The best moments were chilling on our surfboards while watching the vivid sunset. Do you spend a lot of time there?"
13. Talk about shared common interests.
“Your snake plant is as big as my Boston fern. Feel free to disagree, but I think plants help any home feel a lot happier.”
14. Use her location to your advantage.
“Hey, did you grow up in Benton, AR? I know Bentonville, which is two hours away, has stunning views.”
15. Compliment the scenery in her photos.
“Epic hiking photo. Where was that taken?”
16. Ask her about interesting events in her life.
“You look like you know how to have a good time. Had any adventures lately?”
17. Bring up silly debates to engage her opinion.
“Rhode Island is neither a road nor an island. I think we should discuss, don’t you?”
18. Share lyrics from your favorite songs.
"One of my favorite song lyrics of all time is: 'I forget to pray for the angels/ and then the angels forget to pray for us.' What's yours?”
19. Talk about any movies or books she mentioned in her bio.
"I see you love the Marvel Cinematic Universe, too! Who's your favorite superhero, and why?"
10 "Ice Breaker" Lines To Use With A Girl On Tinder
20. Play around with simple jokes.
“Titanic. That’s my icebreaker. What’s up?"
21. Talk to her about the future.
“Let's say we get a three-day weekend. Are we heading for the mountains, the beach, or sleeping until noon?”
22. Pique her interest by asking what she likes.
"Favorite thing to do on a Friday night?
A. Cuddling and watching Netflix
B. The hottest bar in town
C. Dinner party
D. I’ll tell you over drinks?"
23. Let her help you come up with the jokes.
"Pick a historical era, and I’ll try to come up with a pick-up line related to it. Be warned, though, some of them might be awful."
24. Call attention to your own awkwardness.
"Hello *pretends to be a waiter* — Here’s your icebreaker, garnished with awkwardness."
25. Share a pun that makes her smile.
“If two vegetarians have a fight, is it still called a beef?”
26. Play a game.
“Two truths and a lie: ready, set, go!”
27. Ask about her favorite foods.
“Could you date someone who orders a plain bagel with plain cream cheese when they have other options?”
28. Bring up her career goals.
"If you could work your dream job, what would it be, and why?"
29. Use more intellectual ice breakers.
"If you could have any famous artist (dead or alive) paint your portrait, who would it be?"
More for You:
Sofia Stewart is a writer who covers astrology, spirituality, love, relationships, and self-care.