The 14 Most Common Ex-Boyfriend Dreams — And What They Really Mean

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dream about an ex-boyfriend
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Wondering why your old flame is taking a starring role in your dreams? You're not alone.

Breakups suck. That’s a universal truth that no one will argue. You’ve been in a relationship, cared about someone, done some heavy-duty emotional investing, then, for whatever reason, it doesn’t work out. 

Whether it’s an amicable split or not, it’s never easy. But there comes a day when it gets a little easier, and the next thing you know, you haven’t thought about them in weeks. Until you dream about an ex-boyfriend.

You moved on! You’re over them! Why are they in your dreams? Turns out, that happens to tons of people.


RELATED: 11 Common Nightmares And What Your Dreams Are Trying To Tell You


We dream about our exes more often that we dream about our current partners. A study on the dream website Dreamscloud found that of the 1,172 people surveyed, 29 percent admitted to dreaming about exes, while only 25 percent said they dreamed about their current partners.

If you’re dreaming about your ex, you’re definitely not alone. But what do dreams mean when your ex is in them?

1. Hooking up with your ex

According to Lauri Loewenberg, a dream analyst and author of Dream On It, Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life, hook-up dreams are most often about our first loves and hearken back to a time when we “first experienced those magical feelings of being desired, [having] butterflies in the stomach, always wanting to be together.”

She explains that these sorts of dreams are more about the feelings than about the ex. Hook-up dreams are common when we are between relationships or in one that is starting to lose the spark. It's a reminder from our subconscious that we may want to spice things up.

2. Death of an ex

While this may seem like a traumatic kind of dream, all it really means is that you have successfully moved on from the relationship.

“Death is the end of life, but to the dreaming mind it is about the end of life as you now know it; it is about changes, endings and letting go,” Loewenberg says. So don’t worry because it’s actually a good thing!

3. Getting back together with an abusive ex

Leaving an abusive or toxic relationship is never easy, so to dream that you’re back in one can be shocking. Dreams like this indicate that maybe you’ve got some baggage you’re still carrying around. Guilt, anger, resentment — all of these negative emotions can manifest themselves in dreams. Once you do the work to heal the trauma or let go of the negativity, the dreams should disappear.

On the other hand, if you dream you’re in a healthy or loving relationship (or having some healthy or loving sex) with an ex who was toxic or abusive, Loewenberg says it likely means that you’re healing and coming to terms with the relationship.

“Even though it sucked, you have incorporated the lessons from it into your psyche rather than just holding on to the pain and anger.”

4. Your ex ending up in jail

If you dream about an ex-boyfriend being arrested or going to jail, you may think it’s your subconscious punishing them for being so awful. But according to Loewenberg, it could mean that you’ve finally succeeded in locking down your thoughts and aren’t letting your ex creep in and run amok in your brain anymore.

5. Killing your ex

Even though you felt like killing them after a bad break up, dreaming about killing your ex can be quite traumatic. Don't worry though, because it doesn’t mean you need to call your therapist in the middle of the night to make sure you aren’t having a crisis.

It's likely just another way for your subconscious mind to tell you that you’ve succeeded in moving on, or that maybe you’re still holding on to a part of the relationship that you need to release.

6. Breaking into your ex's home

The home represents the psyche. So, to dream that you’re sneaking into your ex’s home is “an expression of the need to penetrate their mindset and understand their thinking and what may have gone wrong” and led to the breakup.


RELATED: 10 Things You CONSTANTLY Dream About — And What They Actually Mean


7. Your ex breaking into your home

If you dream that your ex is sneaking into your place, Loewenberg says it means they still occupy a fair bit of real estate in your mind and are affecting your mood and your mindset. This dream is usually an indication that it’s time to do some soul-searching and kick them out of your psyche.

8. Your ex getting you pregnant

You might wake up thinking, “Oh, hell no!” but a pregnant dream just means that something new is growing and developing in your life. If your dream baby is your ex’s, it may mean that whatever the new and exciting thing is, it's happening because of some aspect of your relationship with them.

9. Fighting with your ex

To dream that you’re fighting with an ex might indicate that you’re starting to fall back into similar behavior patterns with a current partner. Your subconscious might be hinting that it’s time to take a look at what’s going on and evaluate your situation.

10. Seeing your ex

If you dream about just seeing your ex, with nothing else major happening in the dream, you might have met someone who reminds you of them, or maybe you’re just reminiscing about the good ol’ days and the things you actually liked about them.

11. Missing your ex

Dreaming that you miss your ex might mean, well... that you miss your ex! Or it might mean that you miss some specific aspect of your relationship, of their personality, or just being in a relationship altogether.

12. Your ex missing you

If you’re dreaming that your ex is still pining after you, it’s likely that your psyche is all “Boy, bye!” and you’ve officially moved on.

13. Your ex suffering from illness

If your ex is sick in your dream, you are almost certainly not seeing into the future. It just means that maybe you’re still a little down from the breakup.

14. Your ex blowing you off

If your ex is straight up ignoring you or blowing you off, it’s just another nudge from your subconscious that it’s time to move on and let that torch you’ve been carrying go ahead and blow out.


RELATED: The Most Common Relationship Dreams People Have (And What They Mean)


Kristi Pahr is a freelance writer and mother who spends most of her time caring for people other than herself. She is frequently exhausted and compensates with an intense caffeine addiction. Her work has appeared in Real Simple, Well + Good, Men's Health, Prevention, and many others.

 

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