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Wondering why your old flame is taking a starring role in your dreams? You're not alone.
By Kristi Pahr — Last updated on Oct 20, 2022
Breakups suck, and sometimes, you may end up taking that pain and heartbreak into your dreams. You can dream about so many things, like falling, flying, or even being back in school, but dreams about your ex-boyfriend are particularly... interesting.
You’ve been in a relationship and then, for whatever reason, it doesn’t work out. But there comes a day when it gets a little easier, and the next thing you know, you haven’t thought about them in weeks. Until you dream about them.
You moved on and you’re over them, so why are they in your dreams?
What does it mean when you dream about your ex-boyfriend?
Generally, dreams about an ex-boyfriend, specifically, don't actually mean you want to get back together or that you still want them in your life. However, dreaming about an ex-boyfriend does relate to your own unresolved issues that are causing you pain.
If you dream about an ex-boyfriend, it symbolizes past issues or trauma that haven't been addressed, desiring emotional closure in one way or another, issues in your current relationship, and the desire for closeness.
Additionally, you might be dreaming about an ex because you're still angry about the breakup, you unconsciously want to escape your current situation, or you're actually looking to forgive your ex.
Often, these dreams are associated with feelings of guilt, loneliness, sadness, or even resentment. But the interpretation really depends on the circumstances of the dream itself.
What It Means If You Dream About Your Ex Kissing You
According to Lauri Loewenberg, a dream analyst and author of "Dream On It, Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life," hook-up dreams are most often about our first loves.
These dreams hearken back to a time when we “first experienced those magical feelings of being desired, [having] butterflies in the stomach, always wanting to be together.”
She explains that these sorts of dreams are more about the feelings than about the ex. These common dreams appear when we are between relationships or in one that is starting to lose the spark. It's a reminder from our subconscious that we may want to spice things up.
What It Means If You Dream About Your Ex Dying
While this may seem like a traumatic kind of dream, all it really means is that you have successfully moved on from the relationship.
“Death is the end of life, but to the dreaming mind it is about the end of life as you now know it; it is about changes, endings, and letting go,” Loewenberg says. So don’t worry, because it’s actually a good thing!
What It Means If You Dream About Your Ex Apologizing To You
Perhaps it's the apology you waited for in your waking life, or maybe it's an apology that wasn't desired. Either way, an ex apologizing to you in your dream means you haven't yet come to terms with the end of your relationship.
In fact, this dream can indicate that you still desire to have your ex back in your life. But remember that certain circumstances led to your breakup, and it was for a good reason.
What It Means If You Dream About Getting Back Together With An Abusive Ex
Leaving an abusive or toxic relationship is never easy, so to dream that you’re back in one can be shocking. Dreams like this indicate that maybe you’ve got some baggage you’re still carrying around.
Guilt, anger, resentment — all of these negative emotions can manifest themselves in dreams. Once you do the work to heal the trauma or let go of the negativity, the dreams should disappear.
On the other hand, if you dream you’re in a healthy or loving relationship (or having some healthy or loving sex) with an ex who was toxic or abusive, Loewenberg says it likely means that you’re healing and coming to terms with the relationship.
“Even though it sucked, you have incorporated the lessons from it into your psyche rather than just holding on to the pain and anger,” she says.
What It Means If You Dream About Your Ex Going To Jail
If you dream about an ex-boyfriend being arrested or going to jail, you may think it’s your subconscious punishing them for being so awful.
But according to Loewenberg, it could mean that you’ve finally succeeded in locking down your thoughts. You aren’t letting your ex creep in and run amok in your brain anymore.
What It Means If You Dream About Killing Your Ex
Even though you felt like killing them after a bad breakup, dreaming about killing your ex can be quite traumatic. But it doesn’t mean you need to call your therapist in the middle of the night to make sure you aren’t having a crisis.
It's likely just another way for your subconscious mind to tell you that you’ve succeeded in moving on, or that maybe you’re still holding on to a part of the relationship that you need to release.
Image: Pexels
What It Means If You Dream About Breaking Into Your Ex's Home
The home represents the psyche. So, to dream that you’re sneaking into your ex’s home is “an expression of the need to penetrate their mindset and understand their thinking and what may have gone wrong” in the lead up to the breakup.
What It Means If You Dream About Your Ex Breaking Into Your Home
If you dream that your ex is sneaking into your place, Loewenberg says it means they still occupy a fair bit of real estate in your mind. That is, they are affecting your mood and your mindset.
This dream is usually an indication that it’s time to do some soul-searching and kick them out of your psyche.
What It Means If You Dream About Having Sex With Your Ex
Dreaming about having sex with an ex can mean a few things. This dream indicates that you still desire your ex in some way, that you are holding on to a relationship that you need to let go of and release, or that you worry your current partner physically or emotionally resembles your ex in some way.
Consider this dream a reminder to let go of the past. Otherwise, you won't be able to stay present with your current love.
What It Means If You Dream About Your Ex Getting You Pregnant
You might wake up thinking, “Oh, no!” But a pregnant dream just means that something new is growing and developing in your life.
If your dream baby is your ex’s, it may mean that whatever the new and exciting thing is, it's happening because of some aspect of your relationship with them.
What It Means If You Dream About Fighting With Your Ex
To dream that you’re fighting with an ex might indicate that you’re starting to fall back into similar behavioral patterns, but with a current partner.
Your subconscious might be hinting that it’s time to take a look at what’s going on and evaluate your situation. Think about how much it would benefit your current partner to do some soul-searching and change your behavior for the better.
What It Means If You Dream About Seeing Your Ex
If you dream about seeing your ex, with nothing else major happening in the dream, you might have met someone who reminds you of them. Or, this dream can also indicate that maybe you’re just reminiscing about the good times together and the qualities you actually liked about them.
What It Means If You Dream About Missing Your Ex
Dreaming that you miss your ex might mean, well... that you miss your ex. It might mean that you miss a specific aspect of your past relationship, of your ex's personality, or just being in a relationship altogether.
This dream could also mean that there's a void or absence in your life that you're trying to fill.
What It Means If You Dream About Your Ex Missing You
If you’re dreaming that your ex is still pining after you, it’s likely that you've completely moved on. You no longer harbor romantic feelings, nor do you feel resentment towards them.
This dream simply means that you've moved on and are perfectly happy without your ex in your life.
What It Means If You Dream About Your Ex Blowing You Off
If you dream about your ex straight-up ignoring you or blowing you off, it’s just another nudge from your subconscious that it’s time to move on. Consider it the push you need to let that torch you’ve been carrying go ahead and blow out.
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Kristi Pahr is a freelance writer whose focus is on health, wellness, and parenting. Her work has appeared in Real Simple, Well + Good, Men's Health, Prevention, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and many others.