What Is Demisexual? 13 Signs You Might Fit The Demisexual Definition

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what is demisexual

No, there's nothing wrong with you.

What is demisexual meaning? As society becomes increasingly attuned to the fact that sexuality is a spectrum, we’re seeing a lot more definitions than ever before to describe different aspects of what a person prefers. You may have heard of heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality. You may have even met people who were asexual, which means that there’s no interest in sex whatsoever. But demisexuality?

Well, if you asked most people what is demisexual, they probably wouldn’t be able to tell you. It’s a rare form of asexuality that only around 1 percent of the population ascribes to. So, chances are very rare that you’ve met a demisexual.

The “demisexual definition,” as one might guess, comes from the terms “demi” and the term sexual. “Demi” is the Greek word for half. Literally, the word means “half-sexual,” and means that a person can only get sexually aroused when there’s an emotional connection to a person.

RELATED: What Does Demisexual Mean? 5 Signs You (Or Someone You Love) Needs Emotional Connection To Feel Sexual Attraction

Since it’s so rare, it’s often hard to find people who know what demisexuality is all about. It’s a sexuality that’s rare enough to be confused with having a naturally low libido. You might be a demisexual and not even know it.

Here are some signs that you might not just be “low libido,” but something else altogether.

1. Most of your relationships started off as friendships.

This alone doesn’t necessarily mean that you are demisexual, but there’s definitely a correlation. If you find yourself exclusively attracted to friends, it’s likely that you are a demisexual and just didn’t know it.

2. You didn’t really “get” the “typical schoolyard crush” experience during high school.

Most people in high school get butterflies in their stomach whenever the do so much as even look at a physically attractive guy or girl in their class. Demisexuals, on the other hand, do not really ever experience this in that sense.

They will often be unable to understand the big deal, and may only get turned on after they meet and befriend a guy at school.

3. You’ve always assumed you just had a low libido, but the sex drive you have with certain people makes you question it.

Most people who are demisexual without being aware of the demisexual definition assume they have a low libido when they don’t. The only thing is, you’re not actually dealing with a low sex drive; it’s just a selective one. That’s why demisexuals can get a crazy wild sex spark with the right person.

4. Though it’s common, you can’t understand the idea of befriending a person just to have sex with them.

With demisexuals, being attracted to friends eventually can happen. However, they don’t befriend people just to get laid, primarily because they don’t experience that kind of attraction. So, it doesn’t make sense to them.

5. It’s not that you’re constantly abstaining from sex until you marry; it’s that you’re just not into it most of the time.

Demisexuals aren’t people who choose to be celibate, nor are they people who hate sex. They are sexual people! They are people who just need a lot of emotional connection before they can get aroused.

6. For you, the best erotic novels tend to have a lot more of an emotional connection than a mental one.

Sexual people tend to go for the erotic novels with all the crazy kinky bits. Demisexuals, not so much. Their ideal sexy story will involve a lot of character building first.

RELATED: 18 Brave People Reveal What Being Demisexual REALLY Feels Like

7. Random hookups are just not your thing, ever.

The idea of hooking up with a total stranger will repulse demisexuals, regardless of how that stranger looks. Once again, they need a bond with someone before they can get aroused.

8. Instant attraction has never happened to you.

If you’re a demisexual, you never had that “spark” of love at first sight that so many others talk about. So, it’s hard for you to understand how it feels. Many demisexuals feel frustrated by this.

9. Most of the time, you’re more into cuddling than sex.

It’s not that demisexuals are totally against sex or are never into sex. It’s that they are far more aroused by an emotional connection than they are a physical one. This makes them very into bonding acts like cuddling — even more so than sex.

10. When you see someone who is typically regarded as attractive, you can’t help but wonder if they have a good personality.

Looks do matter to demisexuals to a point, but they just can’t see the attraction without personality. As a result, showing them a photo of what you’d consider hot would probably just make them shrug.

11. Dates are a rare thing, mostly by your own choice.

If you’re a demisexual, people ask you out on dates, but that doesn’t mean you’re into them. Demisexuals would be very likely to say something along the lines of, “But I don’t know you that well,” in response.

12. People regularly call you “too picky,” despite the face that you can’t seem to change who you’re into.

It’s. Not. Picky. Demisexuals just don’t feel arousal the way most others do.

13. You get frustrated because all dates seem to ever want is sex, while you’re just not into it until later.

While most people have gotten sick of seeing dates that just want sex, demisexuals have this problem on a whole other level. They don’t feel arousal from strangers at all, so they often end up feeling used or hurt just from normal dating scene issues.

RELATED: I Thought I Was A Hopeless Romantic — Turns Out I'm Demisexual

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.