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13 Signs You're A Demisexual On The Sexuality Spectrum And How It Affects Your Relationships

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Signs You Fit The Demisexual Definition On The Sexuality Spectrum
Love, Sex

Find out what you need before you'll feel sexual attraction.

How do you define demisexual? 

As society becomes increasingly attuned to the fact that sexuality is a spectrum, we’re seeing a lot more definitions than ever before to describe different aspects of what a person considers as their sexual orientation. You may have heard of heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality. You may have even met people who were asexual, which means that there’s no interest in sex whatsoever.

But what is demisexuality?

RELATED: If These 7 Things Describe You, You're Probably Demisexual

Well, if you asked most people what the demisexual meaning is, they probably wouldn’t be able to tell you. It’s a rare form of asexuality that only around 1 percent of the population ascribes to. So, chances are very rare that you’ve met a demisexual

The “demisexual definition,” as one might guess, comes from the terms “demi” and sexual. “Demi” is the French word for half. Literally, the word means “half-sexual,” and means that a person can only get sexually aroused when there’s an emotional connection to a person.

Since it’s so rare, it’s often hard to find people who know what demisexuality is all about. It’s a sexuality that’s rare enough to be confused with having a naturally low libido. You might be a demisexual and not even know it.

Here are some signs that you might not have a low libido, but identify as demisexual.

1. Most of your relationships started off as friendships.

This alone doesn’t necessarily mean that you are demisexual, but there’s definitely a correlation. If you find yourself exclusively attracted to friends, it’s likely that you are a demisexual and just didn’t know it.

2. You didn’t really “get” the “typical schoolyard crush” experience during high school.

Most people in high school get butterflies in their stomach whenever they do so much as even look at a physically attractive guy or girl in their class.

Demisexuals, on the other hand, do not really ever experience this in that sense. They will often be unable to understand the big deal, and may only get turned on after they meet and befriend a guy at school.

3. You’ve always assumed you just had a low libido, but the sex drive you have with certain people makes you question it.

Most people who are demisexual without being aware of the demisexual definition assume they have a low libido when they don’t.

The only thing is, you’re not actually dealing with a low sex drive; it’s just a selective one. That’s why demisexuals can get a crazy wild sex spark with the right person.

4. You can’t understand the idea of befriending a person just to have sex with them.

With demisexuals, being attracted to friends eventually can happen. However, they don’t befriend people just to get laid, primarily because they don’t experience that kind of attraction. So, it doesn’t make sense to them.

RELATED: The Pros (And Cons) Of Being Demisexual

5. It’s not that you’re constantly abstaining from sex until you marry; it’s that you’re just not into it most of the time.

Demisexuals aren’t people who choose to be celibate, nor are they people who hate sex. They are sexual people! They are people who just need a lot of emotional connection before they can get aroused.

6. For you, the best erotic novels tend to have a lot more of an emotional connection than a mental one.

Sexual people tend to go for the erotic novels with all the crazy kinky bits. Demisexuals, not so much.

Their ideal sexy story will involve a lot of character building first.

7. Random hookups are just not your thing, ever.

The idea of hooking up with a total stranger repulses demisexuals, regardless of how good that stranger looks. Once again, they need a bond with someone before they can get aroused.

8. Instant attraction has never happened to you.

If you’re a demisexual, you never had that “spark” of love at first sight that so many others talk about. So, it’s hard for you to understand how it feels. Many demisexuals feel frustrated by this.

9. Most of the time, you’re more into cuddling than sex.

It’s not that demisexuals are totally against sex or are never into sex. It’s that they are far more aroused by an emotional connection than they are a physical one. This makes them very into bonding acts like cuddling — even more so than sex.

10. When you see someone who others find attractive, you can’t help but wonder if they have a good personality.

Looks do matter to demisexuals to a point, but they just can’t feel the attraction without personality. As a result, showing them a photo of what you’d consider hot would probably just make them shrug.

11. Dates are a rare thing, mostly by your own choice.

If you’re a demisexual, people ask you out on dates, but that doesn’t mean you’re into them. Demisexuals would be very likely to say something along the lines of, “But I don’t know you that well,” in response.

12. People regularly call you “too picky,” despite the fact that you can’t seem to change who you’re into.

It’s. Not. Picky. Demisexuals just don’t feel arousal the way most others do.

13. You get frustrated because all dates seem to ever want is sex, while you’re just not into it until later.

While most people have gotten sick of seeing dates that just want sex, demisexuals have this problem on a whole other level. They don’t feel arousal from strangers at all, so they often end up feeling used or hurt just from normal dating scene issues.

RELATED: Bonding Over 'Doctor Who' Made Me Realize I'm Demisexual

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. She writes primarily about lifestyle, food, finance, and relationships. You can follow her Twitter.

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