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It can be done, and you will get there.
By Slutty Girl Problems — Written on Feb 14, 2018
Most of us have gone through at least one point in time when figuring how to move and let go of someone you love seemed impossibly overwhelming, especially when you keep getting texts from your ex, as he just can't seem to find his way out of our lives.
Maybe you were crazy about him. Maybe you even wanted to be with him forever. You did everything for him: made him breakfasts at 8 a.m., shaved every inch of your body regularly so you were always ready to go, paid for outings, dinners, and random things. You were the best girlfriend ever!
So it was a major surprise when he turned out to be lying and cheating on you.
He ended up being full of promises he never kept, and he had longer conversations with other girls on Facebook than he ever had with you. After all, he told you that he “hates talking on Facebook" and "can’t be bothered with social media," right?
(Of course, you know all this because you hacked his browser history, but that aside...)
You broke up with him. You mourned. You went through each of the 5 stages of grief.
You finally started letting go and moving on. And just when you'd finally accepted the fact you won’t ever be together, just as you start celebrating your freedom... he messages you.
He says he’s sorry. He says that he didn’t appreciate what he had until he'd lost you. He says, “No other woman compares to you and no one ever will.”
When your ex texts you to say he wants you back, it's completely normal to ask yourself one (or even all) of these three questions:
- Should I get back together with him?
All your friends think he’s a jerk, your co-workers think he’s a jerk, his friends think he’s a jerk, and you know he’s a jerk. Still, you may be more than happy with his apology and speech. After all, you did miss him, mourn him, and long for the time that you had together. What you had together was “amazing” and “indescribable” and “you’re never going to find someone like him again,” right? Yeah, right. You'd better hope you don’t find someone like him again.
He lies to his mother so much that you feel guilty when he tells you not to tell her something. His stories change all the time. He tells you one thing then says the other. “I didn’t say that!” OH YES, YOU DID. Stay off that drama train, girl.
- Should we try being friends with benefits?
If you’re thinking that you and him may be able to have a casual, no strings attached, FWB kind of thing, check yourself. Of course, it feels amazing at first because he knows just how you like it, you have absolutely no inhibitions with him, and he’s still just as hot as he was before. Then you realize you have feelings for him, and you get sucked in again.
If he brings up being together again, you might understandably get a little weak at the knees, but trust me and everyone else around you. You will soon be drained by him like he’s a life-sucking sponge, which he is.
- Should we be friends?
At this point, you either call the whole thing off, or you fall for his pathetic persona and personality... again. But, if you’re stuck somewhere in limbo, you may think that being friends with your ex is a possibility, and you know what, maybe it is. Some people can and do make that work. But most of the time, I say RUN.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.” It’s really as easy as that.
Having some time alone can help you realize how blind you were to all the signs that he isn't a good person, or at the very least, he wasn't a good boyfriend OR friend to you. He may have shown you a lying, cheating, hiding, manipulative side. He may have been angry and abusive. Whatever issues he had, trust me, he still has them. He still thinks he’s God’s gift to women. He’s still a player. He’s still a pathological liar.
Don’t believe the sweet words coming out of his mouth right now. Believe the actions he's already shown you.
Right now, you need to focus on getting him out of your life, honey.
Here are 4 excellent ways to move on when you're trying to figure out how to let go of someone you love (especially when you still get texts from your ex):
1. Give online dating apps a try.
You may even want to start seeing someone else, if for no other reason than to take your mind off of your ex and occupy your time so you won't get bored and tempted. You know you’re still worthy of love and affection. Have someone in your life to prove it to you!
Find someone who will buy you nice food, some fro-yo, and maybe even everything on your Amazon wish list. Someone who will spike your coffee with Baileys in the morning just the way you like it, and who does nice things for you without complaining or you having to ask. Is that too much to ask from a man? No, it's not, and you will find him.
Join Tinder, Bumble, Hinge or any of the other zillions of dating sites and apps out there. I swear, it’s a jolly good laugh. Yes, you may meet even more jerks, but then at least you'll see that it wasn't just him and it wasn't about you.
In general, it will either give you a little hope for the male species, or make you give up on them completely. Kidding! (Kind of.)
2. Pick up a fab new hobby (or two!).
Get yourself a brand new hobby. Whether it’s playing an instrument, giving makeovers, playing a sport, dancing, singing in the shower, knitting, volunteering or just practicing being yourself more often. Join a book club, or a film club, or write for an online magazine!
Try anything that is new to you and that will require your concentration in order to improve at it or get into it more.
3. Find some "sisterly" love.
Hard task at hand, but if possible, make friends with your exes former bed partners. You may want to hate them for having been with him too, but women need to stick together.
Besides, they may hate him just as much as you do. You can laugh together about the annoying things he did that made you cringe, turning them into something that now makes you smile.
4. Spend some sexy-time alone.
Masturbate. A lot. Whether you use the shower handheld, a vibrator, or your hands — just do it! Maybe your ex-boyfriend never gave you an orgasm. Perhaps throughout the whole relationship, you never thought an orgasm would ever be in the cards for you. Well now it is, honey, because you are the sexiest person on Earth and you're gonna give yourself the best tingling waves of orgasms ever. It's beyond awesome knowing that you don’t need a guy to take care of your business.
I’m pretty sure there’s more you can do to help yourself grow spiritually instead of getting back together with your ex, but at this moment, orgasms are the best I've got (and honestly, they're not too shabby).
This article was originally published at Slutty Girl Problems. Reprinted with permission from the author.