10 Things Good Men Will Never, Ever Do In A Healthy Relationship

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signs of a healthy relationship

There are no rules as to what makes a happy relationship since we all need different things for happiness. There are, however, signs of a healthy relationship and there are certain things a man won’t do if he’s in one.

And yes, we all have certain things we may view as tolerable or healthy for us as individuals that may not be tolerable or healthy for another person, but there are some key tenets and things that don’t belong in a healthy relationship.

If you often find yourself in miserable or abusive situations with men, you might be in a toxic relationship and should take a step back and view the relationship as a whole. Many women who are in toxic relationships tend to judge “per action,” meaning if a guy does something right, it seems to cancel out the wrong.

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Here are 9 things a man in a healthy relationship will never, ever do, and why finding this guy is like finding a rare gem.

1. He won't hold your past against you.

A man in a healthy relationship making healthy choices will never fling your past in your face. He won’t beat you down with your past mistakes. He won’t judge you with fire and brimstone for who you were before you met him. He sees you for who you are today.

2. He won't put you second.

Yes, there are times you need to be put second to his family, himself and his kids if he’s got them, but a man in a healthy relationship will find a way to make you a priority. If you find yourself being in the metaphorical backseat to his friends or other individuals constantly, it’s not a good thing.



3. He won't shame you for your sexual desires or preferences.

If your guy gives you crap about not wanting to perform certain sexual tasks or shames you for wanting certain things sexually, this is not a healthy relationship.

Of course, there are exceptions to the rule: Are your sexual preferences destructive to your relationship or to yourself? If so, he has the right to say no. Are you shutting him down sexually all the time? If so, the issue resides with you.

4. He won't expect you to fulfill all of his fantasies.

Obviously, we would all love a partner who wanted to act out our every fantasy and desire, but that’s not reality. A man in a healthy relationship will not expect you to act like a porn star, but as a human with equal say on the kind of sex life you two have together.

5. He won't belittle or talk down to you.

A man in a healthy relationship respectfully addresses you, even when he is mad. A man who talks down to you or speaks to you with a lack of respect is not what you need.

6. He won't withdraw from you emotionally as punishment.

Sure, from time to time your man will withdraw to his “man cave” if he's feeling stressed or upset. A healthy man will then approach you when he's ready to talk.

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But a man who is unhealthy will withdraw from you coldly as punishment, without saying why. He will limit your ability to reach him in a healthy manner for possibly days or weeks.

When it hurts so bad, you know he’s retreated as punishment. If you are feeling concerned but know he’s working through something at the moment, it’s healthy.

7. He won't discount your feelings.

Does he tell you how you overreact or are sensitive all the time? Are all of your feelings invalidated? A man in a healthy relationship will not discount your feelings constantly, making you feel as if there is something wrong with you.

8. He won't make fun of you in front of friends.

Sure, there is teasing, but then there is malicious commentary. The guy that pokes at you, your job, or your clothes in front of a group of his buddies is a jerk and a masochist. Dump him.

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9. He won't avoid soothing your fears. 

The healthy man will help you confront your fears after a fight the two of you had, or a bad situation or event that unsettled you. The unhealthy man doesn’t have time to make you feel better, nor does he care why you’re upset.

10. He won't be selfish.

The healthy man can give back and take without being selfish. He wants to give you his all. He wants to be his best self.

The unhealthy dude in a relationship will take without giving back and won't apologize for it. And even if he does apologize, he won’t change his behavior and will most likely take, again and again and again.

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Laura Lifshitz will work for chocolate. The former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate is currently writing about divorce, sex, women’s issues, fitness, parenting, marriage and more for YourTangoNew York Times, DivorceForce, Women’s Health, Working Mother, Pop Sugar, and more. Her own website is frommtvtomommy.com.