Love, Heartbreak

15 Signs The Divorced Guy You Like Is Bad News — And You Should Stay Away

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signs he caused his divorced

In Hollywood, there’s this classic trope about the newly divorced guy who was terribly wronged by his ex. She was an evil lady, a cheater, and an abuser.

A lot of divorced men out there actually do have some truth of that trope in the reason why their last relationship fell apart, but not all of them. In fact, more often than not, guys who talk about this are actually divorced by their exes for good reasons.

RELATED: The One Big TRUTH Men and Women Need To Realize About Divorce

Worried that the guy you’re talking to is single for a reason? Well, these are signs he caused his divorced and that you probably should stop dating him.

1. Soon after the honeymoon phase, you find yourself footing all the date bills.

Not cool, and probably the reason why the wife left him. No one wants to date dead weight, and if he can’t even pay for dates, he definitely won’t pull his share when you’re together as a couple.

2. He has violent charges on his record.

If you find out he’s been arrested for domestic violence or assault, it’s safe to say that probably has something to do with his divorce and that you should run.

Even if you think he may have a good explanation for it, you can’t believe whatever explanation he says if you ask him about the charges. After all, abusers are famous for their ability to play the victim.

3. You notice that he says or does stuff that upsets you, makes you feel uncomfortable, or otherwise insults you, but it’s not enough to actually call him out on it.

More often than not, abusers start their pattern very lightly. If you point it out, he may actually make it sound like you’re being unreasonable. Yeah, the moment that you notice this behavior is the moment that you need to get out.

4. He won’t stop talking about how badly his ex screwed him over, or says that “all women are crazy.”

Yep, Nice Guy Syndrome still can happen to guys who managed to get married. It’s still as toxic with divorcees as it is with regular singles.

5. When he mentions his ex, he frequently points out her physical flaws or age.

Now, there are very few things guys do that openly show them to be narcissistic, shallow people. Remarks that show he cares more about a woman’s looks than her personality are one of those few things, and that’s a sign to nope out of there.

6. His family refuses to speak to him — and we’re not just talking about his ex.

Do his kids refuse contact with him? Does his family want nothing to do with him? Family rarely, if ever, goes no contact unless there is something seriously bad that he’s done.

7. Now that you two have been together for a while, the work slowly shifted from a partnership to you doing most of it.

This is a legit reason why a lot of men find themselves single after years of marriage. After a while, a lot of men just stop putting in effort in a lot of fields, just assuming that the woman will take care of it for them.

Unless you want to be a chef, servant, provider, and mom who also has sex with him, you’ll dump his ass fast.

RELATED: For All The Broken Divorced Guys Out There

8. You hear him spouting misogynistic remarks.

Yes, a lot of people will end up being bitter towards the opposite sex after a divorce, but there’s also a good chance that those feelings were occurring during his marriage too. Misogyny is not compatible with a happy relationship, so hearing these remarks means it’s time to call it quits.

9. You’ve caught him in a number of lies, or he trickle-truths you on a regular basis.

This is particularly dangerous if he’s lying about finances or his whereabouts. Those kinds of lies suggest that you may be dating a conman and that he may be gearing up to use you as his next source of cash.

10. His kid is a legit nightmare.

Kids always add a level of chaos, and that’s to be expected. However, there’s something to be said about a kid whose behavior is totally out of control and  a father who just looks the other way.

Something isn’t right about that, and chances are he’s enabling his kid’s behavior. You don’t want to be involved with that, trust me.

11. You were the other woman for a while.

I’m going to say that you becoming his main chick now doesn't mean you’re safe. If anything, that only means that a position for “side piece” just opened up.

12. If you were honest, you almost never see him because his work is so insane.

His wife probably felt the same way, and probably left because she couldn’t take being second banana to work anymore.

13. He’s trying to act like Christian Grey — or worse, an 80s hair rocker.

Though it is rare, there are people out there who act out their midlife crises by getting divorced and trying to hit the dating scene. Though this kind of behavior is great for the muscle car and convertible car industries, it’s not good for you... unless your name is Rogaine.  

14. He drinks like a fratboy on a bender.

Nope. If he drank five drinks on date one, he may have a problem. If he can’t seem to go a day without a drink, you can bet that’s why his wife left him. Substance abuse is really dangerous and can easily ruin a marriage, let alone a budding relationship.

15. His mannerisms remind you of your boyfriend back from high school, but he’s 35.

It’s scary to think so, but it’s true. Some men really never mature past high school, and that tends to cause their marriages to fall apart. The problem with immature mannerisms is that they tend to denote similarly immature personalities. Advance at your own risk. 

RELATED: 3 Refreshing Reasons Divorced Men Make The BEST Boyfriends

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.