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When you know, you know ... or do you?
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on May 06, 2020
Even though it seems like it should be natural and easy, sometimes trying to pinpoint how to know when you're in true love can be incredibly confusing.
What does love feel like anyway?
There is something beautiful about the infatuation we all feel during the honeymoon period of a romantic relationship. I'm not talking about the literal honeymoon, of course. I'm talking about that blissful stage when every time you see each other you immediately start smooching can't keep your hands off of each other. When you obsessively give each other pet names and can't stop holding hands. When you gross out everyone you know, and you don't care one bit because you just can't get enough of each other.
That's the honeymoon period, and it's an exquisite thing to experience, but how do you know when you're really in love with someone?
You and your love muffin are still getting to know each other, you're connecting more and more every single day, but you don't have to deal with any of that long-term relationship stuff like splitting your finances or talking about buying a house. Everything is fresh and new and sweet.
Eventually, however, even the best of these initial feelings fade and you either realize it wasn't really all that and break up, or you realize you want to do everything possible to make this is connection last.
You may have your own thoughts about how you know which way your heart will go.
For me, it's usually based on a gut feeling more than anything else; an urge to declare my emotions that is so intense I have to or my heart will fall out of my body.
For me, I know I'm in love when my whole heart is full of that feeling, but I've often wondered if it's the same for everyone else, especially for men. As we all know, men and women often approach relationships differently. Sure, we all want basically the same thing — a best friend we also desire — but that doesn't mean we know when we've found them in exactly the same way.
To that end I decided to dig into a thread over on Reddit's Ask Men forum to see what the guys had to say when someone asked this question: "Men of Reddit, how do you know when you love a woman?"
The stories men shared in response are sweet and helpful, particularly if you know that you're in love with a man and you're trying to figure out if he feels the same way.
Without further ado, here's how you know when you love someone, according to 11 very honest men.
1. When you want to spend all of your time with them.
"Because not only do I love her, I like being around her, and I want her in my life because she adds something positive to my life. She's not just a drain on my wallet or full of drama. Relationships can be difficult if you are inexperienced, but they shouldn't be that hard if you find the right person. If you find someone really compatible they should be much easier, not 'this is such a headache'. But finding a really compatible person can take many years, and so sometimes people settle. And some people think it's not even possible to find a real compatible person."
2. When you think they look beautiful no matter what.
"Someone told me if you can imagine walking in on her while she's struggling to take a massive poop and you still find her attractive, that's love. I laughed and thought it was funny but there's some truth into that."
3. When the other person matters as much to you as you matter to yourself.
"Her happiness is a crucial ingredient to my happiness."
4. When you can't stop smiling around them.
"People around you will wonder why you keep smiling, but you don't notice them at all. A warm, fuzzy feeling starts from your ears and moves up towards your front. As you breath in deep, you gaze into her eyes."
5. When you can't imagine yourself with anyone else.
"I actually dumped her and then did the whole hedonistic one-night stand thing. Eventually realized that every girl I met, I immediately compared to her, so it never worked out with any of them, since they never could compare. Fast forward a few years, we met up again, became friends, lovers, made her my wife. End of story."
6. When it just feels easy to be together.
"A good relationship shouldn't be a headache or extreme amount of work."
7. When you feel as though you belong to one another.
"When I'm driving to see her I get really excited. And I have this deep deep contentment like she's my woman. I don't have to look around or anything. We belong to each other now in a very pure and beautiful way."
8. When you imagine a future together — and it makes you happy.
"I can imagine having children with her and it makes me happy to imagine it. I don't even want kids, but that's still how I know."
9. When the honeymoon stage ends and you still don't want to leave.
"When her quirks you used to find cute and endearing become utter BS to you. And you look past it because you want to be with her regardless of anything else. Basically, once the honeymoon phase is over, and you're still interested in each other."
10. When you know you care about more than just the physical aspects of your relationship.
"When rather than thinking about how awesome it would be to [sleep with her], I think about what a wonderful person she is and how I want to just live life with them by my side."
11. When even their dreams are endlessly interesting to you.
"The moment when I realized that I [cared] about what she dreamt about last night."
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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.