Everyone's got that one ex they wish they could forget.
By Emily Ratay — Written on Oct 18, 2017
I have TERRIBLE exes. In fact, most people do. But did you know that if you look to astrology and to someone's horoscope, their zodiac sign can give you better insight into what kind of ex girlfriend or boyfriend they're really going to end up being?
There’s something about breaking up with someone you really loved, someone who was your best friend that makes it hard to want to keep in touch with them. It's even worse when everyone thought you were a perfect match and one of the best couples around.
Of course, there are couples who remain friends after breaking up with each other, but I find that they are a rare breed.
Most of the time, whenever I talk to my friends about their exes or overhear other people talking about their exes. They always have something bad to say about them. And with good reason, too! Some exes become living nightmares who are super bitter after their split.
If you’ve ever had to deal with an unreasonable ex, then you know that there is a reason why it's such an awful experience. If they weren’t, then you might still be friends with them; or at least polite if you ever run into them.
Maybe he stalked you on social media until you blocked him on every account you had… and then he somehow found a way to keep stalking you. Or maybe she was so overly emotional that you felt guilty for breaking up with her — even though she was the one who cheated on you!
These are the exes that I always hear stories about; not the ones who broke up with you and then asked you to hang out next weekend because you are still friends.
Oh, those kinds of exes exist, but they’re always so few and far between they almost sound like a myth instead of a reality.
But as for those terrible, no good exes of yours, you’re always mind blown as to how they can be in new relationships.
You know firsthand how terrible that one ex of yours was after you broke up with him and now you just want to shake his new boo by the shoulders and ask, “What on earth are you thinking?! He’s crazy!” I mean, he may not actually be crazy while you’re together, but when it all falls apart, you realize just how much of a headache he really is.
Look at it this way: you’re only trying to save his new bae from wishing she never went out with him in the first place.
But listen, I get it. I totally do. You don’t want to run around telling all of these people you barely know that their new guy (or gal) is batsh*t crazy. And that they’re the worst ex they’ll ever have. Because if you do that, YOU look crazy. You do. You look totally crazy.
But sometimes, it’s good to just let go of the situation and live your own life because sometimes, we need to learn our own lessons.
And if they break up and he starts stalking her like he stalked you, then all you can say is, “I told you so!” Which is a sweet feeling to have, especially in situations like these. Even your horoscope warned you.
Or, if you don’t ever want to have to say those words to anyone again, or deal with a crazy ex, you could just avoid the crazies.
But how do you know which guy or gal not to date? How on earth are you supposed to know if someone is worth the relationship or if the break up alone is going to make you want to pull your hair out?
You can use astrology! She might not seem she’s a bad ex at first, but if you know her zodiac sign, then you can decide early on if she will be a bad ex.
And don’t tell me you don’t know how to find out her sign because that’s the easy part. Maybe asking someone’s sign isn’t as popular as it once was, but it’s still a good icebreaker question.
And if her horoscope says she’s going to ruin your life as an ex, then you know it’s probably better to stay away. I know, it’s harsh, but hey — do you really want to have another crazy ex lover story to tell? No, no you don’t.
So keep reading to find out what kind of ex the signs are, ranked from worst to best, according to astrology.
SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Scorpio is the WORST ex to have simply because she’s so unpredictable. She might retreat into herself and barely talk to her friends, or she might go all “psycho ex-girlfriend” and try to torch your car.
However she copes with the breakup, you better watch out because you won’t know what she’s capable of until it’s too late.
The only heads up I can give you is that if the break up was a nasty one — one that involved a lot of accusations and crying — you can best believe she’s going to make you regret it.
What makes Scorpio a dangerous ex is the fact that she’s not afraid to let you know just how much you hurt her. Sure, she might try to slash your tires or get back at you by sleeping with your best friend, but in reality, the most dangerous thing about her is her nerve.
To her, everything after a bad break up is a streamlined process: get upset, get revenge, and get even. When she’s done going through her checklist, you’ll hope you NEVER have another Scorpio ex.
LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
Leo spends a lot of time making sure people know her as the girl who can fit in with anyone, and can be an awesome friend and an even better girlfriend. So when she breaks up with you, she takes it pretty hard.
Suddenly, all of the friends she made with your friends are gone and she’s no longer your bae; she’s just another ex who will soon be forgotten. Leo can be one of the worst exes for this exact reason.
Being broken up with is a HUGE blow to her ego because you know you’re talking crap about her to your friends and family, right? Hey, it’s how you cope! I get it, but she doesn’t.
All she sees is someone trying to tarnish her reputation. And even if you don’t want to get back with her, all of her future partners who see you trashing her on social media already think she’s psycho.
If that isn’t bad enough, the constant torture of being unfriended, talked bad about, and having to set her status to “Single” is just way too much negativity on her already-bruised ego.
And when you’re feeling this low, it can’t get any worse, right? So expect her to start talking trash about you too, and brace yourself because it’s going to HURT. Leo isn’t afraid to take her claws out.
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
How would you feel if you were really good friends with someone and then all of a sudden, they told you that you were no longer important to them and they didn’t want to be in your life anymore? Probably pretty crappy, right?
Well, that is how Virgo feels whenever someone breaks up with her — especially if the break up is totally out of the blue. She’s put a lot of time and effort into being the best girlfriend she can be and now you don’t want to be with her? Not acceptable.
Being broken up with is like a slap in the face to a Virgo. You shouldn’t be underestimating her in general, but when it comes to dealing with being your new ex, you better be careful. Virgo can get incredibly vindictive to try and hurt you as much as you’ve hurt her.
Obviously, this isn’t the best way to deal with a breakup, but if you can be off the cuff, then so can she. Virgo is one of the worst exes to have because it’s going to feel like she isn’t completely out of your life after you break up – at least not until she gets all of the revenge out of her system.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
We all know a few famous Geminis who aren’t very good at coping when things don’t go their way. A Gemini after a break up isn’t any different.
She can try to win you back in a bunch of different ways, but they usually range from lying that she’s pregnant or still in love with you, that she has a fatal disease, or that she knows you’ve been sleeping with her best friend (even when you both know you haven’t).
Her motive? To get you to hesitate for even a second because then she knows you still care.
No matter how hard Gemini tries to convince you that she isn’t a crazy ex-girlfriend, one thing is always true for her after a break up: she is absolutely inconsolable.
It would be one thing to have an ex make up stories to keep you around. But it’s totally different to have someone sob uncontrollably, throw fits, and make it impossible to say anything else because she’s a total wreck.
You could be going out with her for two weeks and her reaction would still be the same as if you were together for two years. I guess some signs just can’t cope with being told no.
PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Pisces isn’t the worst ex you’ll ever have, but she’ll definitely be one who breaks your heart after you break hers. She’s very much the romantic when it comes to relationships, so when the romance is over, it’s hard for her to cope.
Don’t expect her to be inconsolable — especially in front of you. She’ll definitely be sad and hurt. When other people talk about how their Pisces exes were the worst.
It’s not that she’s getting revenge on you or that she wants to hurt you back, it’s that she becomes this emotional wreck that just breaks your heart into a thousand pieces.
Pisces likes to cope with a break up on her own. She comes complete with blankets, movies, and junk food, but that doesn’t make it any less hard for you to deal with her.
Maybe you made a mistake and you want her back or you don’t want to leave things unfinished and tense between you two. That’s great! But good luck trying to talk to her.
If she even picks up the phone, all you’ll hear is how terrible she was as a girlfriend and how she doesn’t deserve happiness and how you should just leave her alone to mourn in peace. She’s incredibly melodramatic and unfortunately for you, there’s nothing you can do.
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
Cancer makes a terrible ex because once you break up with her, you put the seed of doubt in her mind that she will never be good enough for someone else.
You might have hated the way she always cries and gets defensive when you fight, or the way she pesters you about not being as romantic as the couples she sees on Instagram.
Even if her next boyfriend loves that kind of thing (except maybe the fighting). She’ll always think in the back of her mind that he’s lying and that everything YOU think about her is the truth.
This kind of thinking is incredibly self-deprecating, but sometimes Cancer can’t help but blame herself — even if it isn’t her fault. Maybe YOU were the one who cheated on her.
She’ll spin it in a way that makes her look bad; like if she hadn’t spent so much time advancing in her career, then you wouldn’t have been “forced” to cheat. Crazy, I know. But reading about Cancer’s self-doubt and experiencing it firsthand are two different things.
No matter how hard you try to tell her it’s not about her and that she isn’t the worst person in the world, it’s like talking to a brick wall – you’ll NEVER get anywhere.
CAPRICORN (Dec 20 - Jan 19)
Capricorn straddles the line between annoying ex and a not-so-bad one, but which one she is all depends on who she’s breaking up with.
If you are breaking up with a Capricorn amicably and without any bad feelings, chances are pretty high that she’ll be the chill ex you never have to worry about again.
If things don’t go so well between you two during the breakup, she won’t want to leave things as quickly. She won’t try to physically harm you or try to make your online life a living hell (thank god), but she might try to message and call you until you answer her.
All Capricorn really wants is to make sure that everything that had to be said was said, and that there are no lies or secrets left between you two. Sure, she might go a little crazy and message you 50 times in a row, but she’s pretty good at improving on how she handles situations.
That means when she realizes that 50 texts in a row borders on psycho ex-girlfriend behavior, she’ll definitely tone it down. It might take her a few tries before she realizes 20 texts in a row isn’t any better, but she’s getting there.
She definitely doesn’t want her reputation tarnished because she doesn’t have any self-control, but with Capricorn, practice makes perfect!
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Just like she wants the actual relationship to be meaningful and good for her partner and her, Libra also wants the break up to be easy and painless.
Libra knows that there are certain reasons why relationships end and she doesn’t see any need to keep having the same fight over and over again with each other when you can both just leave things be.
The relationship is over! What more could you want?! Sure, Libra gets sad after breaking up with someone like anyone would – because she is losing someone she cared about – but she tries not to get hung up about it all.
Libra knows that you have to take the good with the bad or you’ll never be able to cope with a breakup. She doesn’t want to be the ex-girlfriend that her partners talk about years down the road.
She tries to tell herself that breaking up with someone just means that she has the chance to move on and meet someone new. This balance between feeling sad and feeling hopeful helps her keep looking for love.
It also makes her an ex you never have to worry about down the road because if she can move on, you certainly can, too.
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
Taurus might not be able to get over a break up as quickly as some of the other signs, but she would still hate to be known as a terrible ex, so she tries to handle her heartache on her own.
She knows that having a support system can help, but more importantly, she also knows that there is love out there for everyone.
What makes Taurus a better ex than most is that she doesn’t want to rock the boat Your break up could have been a bunch of screaming and fighting, or having sex with each other one last time, but when it’s done, it’s done.
Taurus knows that the last thing her exes want is for her to show up and make a scene after they’ve moved on. It might still break her heart knowing that you’re happy with someone else but unless she’s feeling particularly vengeful (or can’t get over you no matter what she does), she’ll keep her distance.
Losing love is something that can take a toll on Taurus, but knowing that there is someone out there for her as long as she keeps looking is enough to keep her going.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Aquarius is one of the best exes you’ll ever have, but for a completely different reason than not wanting to rock the boat for you and your new bae.
After breaking up with an Aquarius — whether it was her idea or yours — chances are pretty good that you’ll never see or hear from her again. It’s almost like she’s fallen off the face of the earth!
She’s got a full schedule and friends who still love her, so she doesn’t feel the need to keep people around who don’t care about her. That said, she still goes totally AWOL on social media after the breakup.
Maybe she wants to reconnect with herself or spend more time on her career and her relationship with her friends but knows that you can never get over someone if there are still things to remind you of them.
That means unfriending you on social media, deleting your number and all your pictures together from her phone, and wiping her memory of you completely.
It’s a little cold and unfeeling, yes, but eventually, she can say that she’s not still hung up on you anymore. This technique doesn’t work for just anyone, but for someone like Aquarius? Yeah, it’s pretty effective.
This is one ex you’ll never have to think twice about.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 19)
Sagittarius knows that she is just as good in a relationship with you as she is on her own, so a break up is no sweat for her.
Sure, it might not be acceptable to keep up a more casual relationship with each other, if you know what I mean — especially if you’ve already moved on. Sagittarius isn’t one to lose sleep over an ex.
All she cares about is keeping you around as a friend. As long as the two of you (and your new girlfriend) can be friendly with each other, then she’s happy.
Sagittarius does know that this can be a weird request — wanting to stay friends, that is, especially to a new girlfriend who might think that she has ulterior motives. She only wants you to know that you’re still an important part of her life and she doesn’t want to lose that friendship.
Friends mean everything to Sagittarius, and losing one is more heartbreaking to her than losing a partner. And hey, no one has a bigger friend group than Sagittarius.
Chances are, you probably won’t even be hanging out with her that much after you break up (much to your new bae’s relief).
But keeping in touch on social media is still important to this chill ex, so at least take the time to post on her wall every so often.
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
Aries is the BEST ex you’ll ever have, hands down, because she does. not. care. That sounds so harsh, and I apologize on her behalf for that, but if you ask Aries how she feels about her ex moving in with his girlfriend or getting a new job in a new city, she either says, “Who?” or “Why would I care?”
To Aries, if you’re an ex, you’re no longer important enough to be in her life, so why should she torture herself by talking about you or keeping up with your life.
More than that, though, she isn’t vindictive after break ups at all, so she probably won’t go out of her way to delete you from social media.
Aries worries about Aries, no one else. So when the two of you break up, it just gives her more time to focus on advancing her career, having fun with friends, and doing her.
This is great if you want an ex-girlfriend who doesn’t make a huge deal out of the breakup, but it’s a nightmare if you’re still hooked on her. Just because you still have feelings for her doesn’t mean she has feelings for you, too.
She treats all exes the same, so if you don’t put everything out there during the breakup, chances are pretty good that you’ll have to live with some unrequited feelings for her until you can cope on your own time.
But if you never want to have to deal with the after-effects of a breakup, Aries is the best ex to have.
Emily Ratay is a full-time writer living in Pittsburgh. She's passionate about the environment and feminism, and knows that anything is possible in the right pair of shoes. She plans on writing a book in the future.