6 Cures For 'Blue Balls' That Don't Require Anything From Women

Photo: Andrey_Popov / shutterstock
man unzipping blue jeans

Not every hot, heavy make out session ends with sex. Maybe you aren’t ready for a home run with this guy, or you’ve gotta work early in the morning, or you’re stuck in one of those awkward moments where you have to call things off because neither of you has a condom.

Plus, leaving things unfinished can be super-hot. Unless, of course, you’re the guy with blue balls who has to limp home with sore junk.

And to be clear, "blue balls" is a real thing.

What are 'blue balls' and what causes them?

Sure, it’s been used by guys to coerce women into sex they weren’t sure they wanted to have, but extreme sexual arousal without sexual release can result in pressure and pain. This pressure, called epididymal hypertension, and it happens when blood flows into the penis and scrotum, causing engorgement.

This pressure builds until it is released during ejaculation — or it isn’t, resulting in the pain we refer to as blue balls.

Oh, and just for the record, blue balls don’t actually result in, well, blue balls. If you see that symptom, get that man to the ER, ASAP.

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Symptoms of blue balls may include pain, discomfort or in the testicles and surrounding area, as well as a heaviness in the scrotum, all of which are due to the building pressure.

The myth that blue balls are dangerous simply is not true.

Epididymal hypertension is a low-level low-risk condition that is easily stopped, either by orgasm or engaging in other activities.

Now, despite what some guys facing this uncomfortable situation might tell you, what’s happening with your dude’s junk is not your fault, nor is it your responsibility to provide sexual release via ejaculation, even though that is often the best and most immediate cure for this condition.

What to do instead?

Here are six sure-fire cures for blue balls he can try without requiring any help from you.

How to Get Rid Of Blue Balls

1. Ignore the problem.

Yes, people, it is possible to be aroused and uncomfortable and to just, well, move right along with your day. According to experts, the pain of blue balls is harmless and without side effects.

It might also help you to know that there’s virtually no medical literature around blue balls, besides one case of a 14-year-old who was so uncomfortable after fooling around with his girlfriend that he ended up in the ER.

Frisky 14-year-olds aside, we can expect most grown men to be able to hold themselves together and just wait it out, if need be. As his arousal goes away, the pain and pressure from blue balls will subside all on its own.

2. Do some heavy lifting.

It isn’t as good as an orgasm, but doing some hard manual labor (no, not that kind!) will help your guy blow off some steam and, according to at least one study, it actually works.

Pushing or lifting something really heavy can help induce something called the Valsalva maneuver, which essentially flexes the same internal muscles you use during a bowel movement. This can release the pressure on the testicles.

And, hey, at least there will be grunting and sweating.

3. Work out.

Anything that helps divert blood flow should help take the pressure off those swollen testicles.

Hopping on the treadmill, pumping some iron, or doing a few push-ups can help get blood pumping to other parts of the body — and away from the penis.

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4. Get out of the mood.

Reducing arousal is a simple and easy way to divert blood flow from the genitals and provide some release for blue balls. Dirty thoughts (or actions) are what typically get an erection going; turning it upside down requires the opposite approach.

Thinking of a family member, taxes, or trouble at work should help turn the corner into turn off territory — and release the pressure.

5. Put it on ice.

If hot sex isn’t happening today, a cold shower or ice pack is a quick way to cool things down.

Cold reduces swelling and therefore pressure and pain. It’s also a bit of a shock to the system, which can help get a guy out of the mood.

6. He can use his own hand.

Hot sex with a consenting partner is the best. Sex of any kind with an unwilling partner is, well, sexual assault.

You may be the cause of his erection, but you don’t have to provide a happy ending if you don’t want to. As soon as you say “no,” taking care of business becomes his own responsibility.

The best, fastest and most effective cure for blue balls is to have an orgasm.

But don’t worry about it. He knows what to do.

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Slutty Girl Problems aims to give you a daily stream of funny yet thought-provoking posts about sex, dating, relationships, feminism, and many more topics. We’re honest, sex-positive, and unapologetic, all the time.

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