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Opposites attract but they also clash. Here's how to make travel tolerable for your homebody.
By Tom Miller — Written on Aug 18, 2017
Travel, for some of us, is kind of stressful. We know intellectually that based on past experience it's probably not going to dip much under a five out of ten in terms of fun unless it's a funeral or an unexpected weekend in Fallujah.
Not to channel every hack comedian who has ever or will ever live, but the airport ain't a picnic unless you go to picnics involving a under-trained security guards given zero latitude to be decent human beings, waiters/safety personnel who have gotten sick of being treated like the basement staff of Downton Abbey and fellow travelers/picnickers who kinda forget what a miracle it is to travel from Chicago to Arizona in less than four hours for under $184.
Plus, packing clothes. I wear, like, three pairs of shoes and that includes what I work out it, but somehow feel like I need those three and a pair of just-in-case boots no matter where I'm going.
And your snacks, bed, and TV aren't gonna ever be outdone at the Ritz Carlton. Speaking of which, no matter how residential the room or suite you're staying in, all they are really highlighting is that you are in a fake home that maybe has better water pressure and you don't have to make the bed.
At any rate, in the true nature of opposites attract, I don't think I've ever been in a serious relationship with someone who didn't love travel. I should probably listen to relationship advice that says otherwise, but yes, I'm a closeted miser who sees most movies before noon to get half-price tickets, but even an ostensibly free trip to an aunt's empty (but definitely not haunted) place near a beach that was popular in the 1960s is still nerve-wracking. And the real tinkle in the teapot is that I don't like physical gifts, so you'd guess that I'd be thirsty for adventure and excitement.
Alas, I'm a study in contradiction like the rest of y'all but especially like Kanye West. Jokes aside, here are a few tips for loving someone who travels. You can trick yourself into not dreading travel with your main squeeze.
1. You're going to have to meet more than halfway.
For homebodies, compromising on vacation means being away from the house for a good 16 hours and maybe trying a restaurant with lamb. You'll have to meet way more than in the middle. You're allowed to be a jerk about it exactly once per trip. Use your that chip wisely.
2. Bring a book.
Most of the homebodies I know are either big readers or have big imaginations (the better to envision yourself being snatched by Barbary pirates on your trip to the gorgeous Florida Keys). Immersing yourself in the history or mythology of a place makes it much easier dig in once you're there. Also, you look much smarter disappearing into a book than your phone if you need a little break.
3. Plan one part of the trip.
The nice thing about staying home is that you don't have to plan anything except what you're going to eat, and we all know that relationships are teetering on the edge of irreconcilable regarding dinner. But try grabbing one day of a multi-day vacation or, at the very least taking a scalpel to the 10 percent of things you will most hate doing. Like the book thing, you'll appreciate the trip more with skin in the game (and can control how much money you spend that day!).
4. Take an extra day off of work.
Personally, I don't get particularly recharged even if I'm kicking it at the wristband pool and I'm miraculously not sunburnt. I'm smoked-meth-for-the-first-time-two-nights-ago exhausted when I get home from a vacation. Maxing out your vacation time is crazy important, but consider throwing in an extra day to melt off that hangover, jet lag or a kennel cough.
5. Eat like a maniac.
Everyone knows that vacation calories are metabolized differently. Live like Caesar, but maybe look both ways before crossing the raw food street when you're somewhere that the temperature never gets below 80 degrees. Your biome may not agree with the local microbes.
BONUS: And if working out makes you feel pretty good, throw in some time for that in the mornings. Because one of the best tips for loving someone who travels means feeling good about the trip.
6. Think about inviting another couple or two.
And here comes the controversy. I know that the Venn Diagram for homebodies and introverts isn't exactly a perfect circle, but the thought of being surrounded by imperfect strangers (or just your significant other) is a Black Mirror-esque torture for some folks.
Consider asking other friends if they want to double up on the travel plans or overlap. Establish very early one of the three: we're swingers, we are NOT swingers, or we'll see where the night takes us.
7. Have sex as soon as you check in.
If you're gonna drink or hike a ton, it's probably a good idea to make your excursion to Pound Town as soon as you get to your room or yurt. Hotel sex has its sterling rep for a reason — all the novelty but none of the guilt or crabs.
Don't be a real ding dong and leave used condoms or sex toys or all-vinyl crotchless bodysuits lying around. But otherwise, treat the place like you'd imagine Prince is likely treating his personal corner of heaven.
Like Dorothy says, “There's no place like home” for us homebodies. However, with a few concessions here and there, we can be mediocre travel companions. Maybe we'll really enjoy the Petrified Forest with some of that advice.
Not everybody likes to travel. But you can make things easier on yourself once you watch this video and learn how to travel as an introvert:
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Tom Miller is a writer and performer based in New York. He's been a mechanical engineer and a banker. He's been the general manager and coordinating video producer at YourTango for 11 years. He's probably listening to Bryan Adams' "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You" as we speak.
