Why Guys Masturbate So Much (As Explained By Men)
It's a little weird.
Sjale / SHutterstock We all have sex drives. They can be low or they can be high, but they exist.
Many women masturbate to achieve orgasm because of these aforementioned sex drives. This still comes as a shock to folks because well, female masturbation isn't talked about the same way male masturbation is talked about.
This is a fact that used to drive me nuts until I realized one critical thing: Men and women often have very different relationships with self-pleasuring.
When I started talking to my female friends about male masturbation, they all seemed baffled by the way in which the men they know handle it and how men really think about it.
"For me, [masturbation] is like a special private sexy time, but for him, it's like brushing his teeth," said one friend.
This got me wondering: How often does the common man really masturbate, and what's his relationship with that masturbation like?
I did some Googling (as one does on the internet) and found loads of conflicting data when it comes to male masturbation.
So I decided to conduct my own experiment and ask the men I know a few of my most pressing questions.
Here's what I asked and what they said.
How often do you masturbate and what's your relationship with masturbation like?
1. “When I was single: 2-4 times a day. Now that I'm in a relationship: 2-4 times a week (sadly not because of insanely copious amounts of sex, it's just more enjoyable when you're ‘hungry’).”
2. “5-6 times a week. Basically, most days unless I don't get a chance to. It’s not always about being horny, sometimes it’s just about the stress relief.”
3. “Far too often. Used to be twice a day, now it's maybe once a day. More often than not though that one session consists of two orgasms. Meaning that it could be counted as two, I guess. It’s like an itch I have to scratch. It’s very different than sex.”
4. “Once a day before bed for sure. If I'm bored and not doing much sometimes it's twice before bed. On days off when I'm alone I usually will toss out two more-ish. If my wife and I have sex before I go to bed then I don't need to rub one out. I would say I average about twice a day. It’s not out of need: it’s out of boredom.”
5. “When I'm single, 3-5 times a week. When I'm not, a lot more often because when I have somebody I'm attracted to, so my sex drive goes nuts and it's really weird.”
6. “When I was a teenager up to five times a day. I was constantly horny and didn't have much else to do. Now it's like once a day, but it can be more or less than that. If I'm traveling, for example, I usually don't jerk off at all because I feel weird doing it in a hotel even though I know it's not weird. If I have my apartment to myself for the weekend, it's like a non stop masturbatory party.”
7. “Once or twice a day. Worth noting that in some of these instances I'm masturbating as I fall asleep — it’s better than Ambien.”
8. “It varies a lot. A couple months ago, it was around 2 times a day. I haven't done it in 2 weeks, and even then that was just a, 'Huh I haven't done that in a while, I should do that.'"
9. “Daily, usually. It's a nice form of stress relief and I haven't been with anyone else in over two years, so it's not like my sex drive has any other real vent.”
10. “I don't think my habits are normal, but I go for like 2 or 3 weeks without masturbating and then think, 'Huh, it's been a while,' and masturbate. Then I remember how much I like it and start doing it really often (like, twice a day or possibly more if I've got lots of free time and nobody is around), and this goes on for a week or two until I just get sick of masturbating and have no desire to do it again for 2 or 3 weeks.”
11. "Three times a day minimum. Once after waking up. Once before sleeping. Once before/after lunch. I also masturbate while I play online poker to relieve stress. When I had a girlfriend, it was also three times a day; it was too routine for me to give up.”
12. “I [do] it 12-15 times a week. Twice a day. Once in the morning after I work out, once after lunch. If you don't do it, the stress of my job, it'll make you explode. Or worse, you'll implode. You don't wanna implode.”
13. “It varies and has varied even more as I've aged. Once a day is not excessive. More importantly: It has nothing to do with you or how he feels about you. Sex and masturbation are 2 different, albeit related, physical/psychological acts. Masturbation is me time. Taking a nap does not mean I don't love standing up or never plan to do it again."
So there you have it. From the horse's mouth!
Some men love masturbating and do often, others not so much, while others view it as a chore.
Hearing all of these responses had me asking a couple of more questions. What I found out made my relationship with my boyfriend's own masturbatory habits infinitely more comfortable.
Do men feel like they have to masturbate?
No, but that doesn't stop them!
There's an old joke about men and masturbation: 98% of them say they masturbate, and the rest are lying.
In fact, the numbers tell us something else altogether. Masturbation isn't medically necessary, but because it feels good, people like doing it.
In fact, just 61% of men polled (albeit in a face-to-face interview) admitted to masturbating in the past years.
"The vast majority of men masturbate sometimes — even if they're in a long-term and happy sexual relationship," says Dr. David Devlin. "There are some men who don't masturbate. But these are mainly men who don't want to do it because of religious reasons or because they're a bit uptight about sex. Also, some guys who have a fairly low sex drive don't masturbate. Some men — mostly from eastern cultures — try to avoid masturbating because they believe it depletes their energy and may shorten their lives. But there's no truth whatsoever in this belief."
How often should men masturbate?
The only "ideal amount of masturbation" is the one you create for yourself. While masturbating infrequently might indicate a low sex drive, that's not always the case.
Whatever works for you, brings you joy and pleasure, and doesn't cause you harm is your personal ideal amount of "you" time.
Is there such a thing as too much masturbation for men?
Here's some awesome news for all of you worried that your dude might be masturbating too much.
"There’s no magic number when it comes to a healthy masturbation habit," says Dan Drake, a certified sex addiction therapist and clinical counselor. "However often you masturbate is fine as long as it doesn't negatively affect your life."
How can it do that? When it actually injures the penis or he stops being able to ejaculate or his work or home life suffers.
These can be indicators that your man has an unhealthy relationship with masturbation and that he might benefit from talking to a doctor.
So unless he's chafed and obsessed, your dude isn't masturbating too much. He's just male, and men have a different relationship with their masturbatory life than women do.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman.