Zodiac, Sex

The 4 Zodiac Signs Most Likely To Be Dirtiest In Bed

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zodiac signs that are dirtiest in bed

Certainly, we’re all capable of being a freak between the sheets, but “capable” and “actively involved in being a freak” status depends on nerve... and personality. And, of course, so much of that personality depends on when we were born. In other words, whether or not you read your horoscope daily, where we rank on the “freak-o-meter” may be a direct result of our zodiac sign.

For some, dirty sexual behavior may be quite prudent; while sucking toes may seem to one person the height of dirty, another might laugh at that, knowing that it ain’t good unless they’re being strangled to the point of death while climaxing. Variety is the spice of life, and some like it hotter than a serrano pepper.

What makes up the definition of “hot” is different for everyone, and when it comes to raunchy sexual behavior, there are zodiac signs that truly take the cake (and smear it all over their rubber-encased body). So, who are the zodiac signs that are dirtiest in bed and make for the filthiest of sexual partners?

1. TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)

OK, let’s just jump right over Aries on this one. You might think Aries was the go-to freak machine but move aside, Ram, because Taurus makes you look like St. Francis when it comes to racy. It’s not just kink with these folks — it’s a serious desire to almost get off on being disgusting that gets them high. When Taurus spits in your face and begs you to take them “kangaroo-style” and you have no clue as to what “kangaroo-style” is, fasten your seatbelt because this moment in your sexual history now belongs on the Twin Peaks list of bizarre behaviors. Taurus has no shame and if you partner up with one, be prepared to be offended. The kicker is you’ll learn to love it. Oh, the irony of it all.

Read: The 5 Brutal Truths About Loving A Taurus, As Written By One

2. GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)

It’s not that Gemini wants to sit around in a soiled adult diaper, demanding schnitzel, while shouting, “I’m a bad pig” in German, it’s that they also have a strong sense of comedy that adds life to their raunchy sexual desires. When two Gemini lovers get together, if they allow themselves the safe space to explore their inner fantasies, you’ll more than likely end up watching two lovers entangled in each other's limbs, both of them watching guts and gore classics like Blood Feast while laughing and having intercourse upside down, mounted on a spinning rack. Now ask yourself, why are you watching two Geminis in bed, ya pervert? Ah, the things you didn’t know.

Read: The 13 Brutal Truths About Loving A Gemini, As Written By One

3. SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)

Oh, you again. Scorpios actually do have lives, even though we just assume they spend their days and nights in pure perversion. That, of course, is only part of the Scorpio charm. When Scorpio isn’t sexin' it up like nobody’s business in the bedroom... oh hell, who are we kidding? That’s what they’re doing all the time. Your Scorpio friend has imagined you in every sexual position possible, and that’s only what goes on in their mind for the first few minutes of knowing you. When these dirty-minded deviants aren’t picturing you naked, they’re picturing you blowing multi-color bubbles through a straw they’ve provided for you to breathe with in the asphyxiation mask they hope to see you wearing later on in the day. In the office supplies closet, of course. And that's what makes them one of the zodiac signs that are dirtiest in bed.

Read: 14 Brutal Truths About Loving A Scorpio, As Written By One

4. SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)

Dirty is a Sagittarius specialty, though it takes them a while trust you with their “situation.” And yes, “situation” is what it is, as their freakiness can be pretty specific and fantasy-oriented. Costume-play is big with The Archer, and when the heat goes up in the sack, don’t be surprised if your Sagittarius lover gets out his or her alien skin suit and demands to be spanked, “As only Darth Vadar could.” “Do me, Captain Kirk” is only one of the ways it could go once Sag opens their mouth in the bedroom. “Beam me up... Hard.”

Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving A Sagittarius, As Written By One