5 Reasons Why I'm Too Afraid To Date White Men

Photo: courtesy of the author
concerns about dating a white man

Dating has never been an easy feat for me, and as aware as I am of the fact that all men can be assholes, I'm forever wanting to try and experience something new.

As much as I want to I've yet to date a white guy, I've continued to date nothing but black men despite constantly claiming to be open to other races.

However, I'm not so sure that I truly am open to the idea as much as I am curious.

When I say I'm not sure what I mean to say is that in my heart I know I have no problem with doing so and that I even have a desire to try my hand in interracial dating. But somewhere deep down, I believe I may be more afraid (and insecure) of the unknown than even I'm truly aware of.

But if I'm being honest and I am trying to be here, there 5 things that most freak me the fuck out when asked about my feelings on dating a white man.

These are the scenarios that play in my mind just before I skeptically say "yes, I'm open to it."

1. I fear that racism runs too deep for it to be completely obsolete in any one white person. 

I choose to believe that when we're not around a great deal of white people choose to say "n*gga" and other offensive things that they likely couldn't get away with had a black person been around.

Because of that I can't help but wonder what the first words out of a white man's mouth might be should we get into any intense argument.

Although I know that being in an interracial relationship isn't a free pass to say offensive and obnoxious things, I'm not sure that those subject to so much privilege would understand or respect that.

Also, there's lots of fetishism when it comes to dating black women, and I don't want to be anyone's next fixation. 

Which brings me to my next point and a not-so-subtle concern.

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2. I'm not so sure and can never be sure the reaction that a white man's parents will have to him bringing me home.

Will they hate me right off the bat? Or maybe I'm OK to date, but not nearly good enough to marry due to my skin tone.

While we Millennials as a generation are a bit (and I do mean just a bit, no less and no more) more progressive than our parents and grandparents, their opinions are still a factor in our decisions for those of us who are close. 

And, sure, I could say it has to do with being courageous enough to go against the grain, but who really wants to go into a relationship knowing it may cost them their family?

To my first point, it seems that the more family-oriented one may be, the more of their families views they may have likely adopted ... meaning red flag.

3. They might be intimidated by me. 

The media makes black women out to be irrationally angry and unable to show the slightest level of vulnerability.

And due to those mysogonoir stereotypes that black women have been labeled with, I fear that I may be considered "too intimidating" to white men, making them uninterested in me. 

4. The sex will be ... not as good as with black men. 

Well. I don't have to go too in-depth here but rumor has it that white men aren't so blessed when it comes to their penis size. And I'm used to the highest of blessings.

But I'm also aware that rumors are just that ... rumors.

I also know that a guy with a small penis may still know what to do with it — after all, he has lived with it for his entire life.

Honestly, This one concern is the least of my worries, truth be told.

I know it's an offensive stereotype for all parties involved (yes, even black men as it is a myth rooted in slavery), but I'm woman enough to admit to this ignorant and irrational fear because many of us share it. 

5. Insecurity makes me feel that I might not be attractive enough for a white man to look or think twice about me.

Although I want to feel beautiful in my own skin, there's something in me that still feels the need to subscribe to some semblance of Eurocentric beauty standards. Deep down I wish my hair were long and that it curled when it got wet so that I'd be a little less insecure.

These feelings make me self conscious about what white men think when they see me ... someone that's everything that's not their standard.

So I wonder: What if I'm just too black? 

While it's obvious that I very well could be standing in my own way of finding happiness and love, what's not so obvious is how to get a handle on all my concerns (read: insecurities) long enough to see what else is out there as I've wanted to do for so long now.

They say that love is color blind but it's not.

In order to love interracially you must acknowledge the differences that your color present and work through them.

And I haven't even done that on a personal level so to do that with a partner, it seems next to impossible.