Master The Art Of Seducing Yourself — By Creating A Sexy Masturbation Ritual

Because self-love should be just that!

How (And Why) To Create Your Own Masturbation Ritual weheartit

I’m not a Wiccan, but this line from the Charge of the Goddess — “All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals” — has always resonated with me.

I was reminded of that last night, as I sat with a group of femmes passing around a microphone, discussing masturbation. It was my fourth time recording Amory Jane’s podcast, Sex on the Brain, and the second time we were doing it live from a party.


Last time was a play party, this time was a masturbation party.

Of course, the part where people were touching themselves was a lot of fun, but hearing people talk about their journeys of self-love and pleasure was perhaps the most powerful part. Everyone had a different experience. Some had grown up in sex-positive households, others had been shamed for their explorations.


What was beautiful to hear was how each person had evolved to touch themselves (or not!) and how that effected the ways they related to their body, and their partner or partners.

It’s a topic that comes up with my coaching clients on a regular basis. Some people come to me to learn how to masturbate, whether it’s because of conservative upbringings or simply having never explored, and it’s so powerful to hear their stories as they discover their bodies and find new kinds of pleasure.

Other times I work with couples, and we talk about the role masturbation can have in a relationship.

Some people enjoy engaging in mutual masturbation, which can be a great way to relax and connect after a long day when you might not have the energy for other forms of sex. Sometimes just one partner masturbates, while the other snuggles them or reads erotica out loud. For some people, it’s a matter of negotiating alone time, which can be tricky when you live with someone and share a bed. 


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In general, masturbation is an important form of self-care for many people, and I think it’s incredibly valuable to figure out what works for you, and to explore ways you can make it special.

For some people (and I often fall into this camp) it’s just about having a quick orgasm to relieve stress, or to relax and go to sleep.

Even if that’s your usual routine, here are just a few ways I suggest you explore branching out now and then to make it more special:

  • Try undressing more slowly one day, and enjoying your body as you do so.
  • Looking in the mirror and giving yourself positive affirmations (even if you feel silly doing it!) can be wonderful for your self-esteem.
  • Taking time in the shower or the bath is another great way to explore your body because it's a space where you’re used to being naked.
  • Come up with a way to take special care of the sex toys that you use, which could mean having a nice box to store them in or a special cloth you wrap them in before they go into a drawer. In this way, the acts of getting your toys out, cleaning them and putting them away become part of your routine of making time for yourself.
  • If you’re someone who likes rituals, consider lighting a candle, using a scent, or doing something similar to mark the time and space that you’re using for pleasure.

Remember that setting the mood doesn't have to be reserved for when you’re trying to impress a partner

You deserve the same care and romance when you’re seducing yourself.

Stella Harris is building a world where everyone has the confidence to explore their sexuality safely and free of shame. As a certified Intimacy Educator and Sex Coach, she uses a variety of tools to guide and empower her clients as she teaches everything from pleasure anatomy to communication skills to kink and BDSM. Stella has been widely quoted in the media and has made guest appearances on numerous podcasts, including Sex on the Brain and Playboy Radio.