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True intimacy comes with these unsaid rules.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on Apr 13, 2023
The other day, my guy friend Carl was telling me about a hookup that had gone awry.
Long story short, feelings got involved and it ended up being a somewhat painful time for both of them — at least, in the long term. This got me wondering about sex.
Whether we realize it or not, we all have certain unsaid expectations of sex and people’s behavior in dealing with the subject.
We also all tend to not actually say those expectations out loud. Expectations also probably vary from gender to gender. I decided to find out what men think about the unspoken expectations of sex.
Here, 15 men reveal the 'unsaid' rules of intimacy they really want women to know:
1. No means NO
“I want to say that ‘no means no’ in the terms of body language because that’s unspoken. If I don’t get the feeling a girl is into it, I won’t offer. That’s how it’s supposed to be.” — Dante, 30
2. Don't use sex as a weapon
“Sex shouldn’t be used as a reward, a currency, or a punishment.” —Andrei, 29
3. Do what you need to in order to avoid UTIs
“Don’t go from a** to vagina, unless you both want UTIs.” —Bruno, 27
4. Be clean
“Please don’t hate me, but if you can smell a girl before you go down there, you shouldn’t go down there.” — Tyson, 22
5. Put him first
“Please your partner first. You both should be happy when sex is done.” —Tom, 28
6. Prioritize sex, even if it's the last thing on your mind right now
“If you’re in a relationship, make sex a priority. That's what men like in bed. Otherwise, don’t be shocked if your partner leaves or cheats.” —Mike, 35
7. Don't drop the "L-bomb" at the wrong time
“Don’t say you love me for the first time or that you want a relationship with me after we had sex. It makes you look unstable, and it makes me uncomfortable.” —Eric, 32
8. Get tested
“Please be clean. Like STD-wise and hygiene-wise.” —Vidal, 28
9. Communication is key
“Communication. If you can’t communicate, then do not have sex with that person. At best, the sex will be mediocre. At worst, you may end up finding out that the person in question had totally different ideas of what it was supposed to be.
This is how miscommunication on birth control happens, and that affects everyone. I don’t care if they are the sexiest person you’ve ever seen. If you can’t talk to them, rationally and openly, about sex, don’t sleep with them.” —Toby, 32
10. Understand that sometimes, guys are jerks
“Regrets happen. If I distance myself, I don’t want people knowing we had sex, and I’m sorry.” —Ryan, 24
11. Don't be afraid to reach out after sex
“I do wish girls would call more after we have sex, and not put the burden on us.” —Alvin, 30
12. Cuddle
“Guys need cuddles and guidance, too. If you don’t give either, we’re going to assume you’re not interested in something more.” —Jake, 23
13. Masturbate, and be okay with your partner masturbating
“Anyone who would yell at you for masturbating in a normal, healthy way shouldn’t be someone you sleep with.” —Tyler, 25
14. Don't be crazy
“Don’t stick your d*ck in crazy. Don’t slam your clam on crazy. Just don’t kick it with crazy.” —Devon, 35
15. Be open to a relationship
“Sex doesn’t guarantee a relationship, but it does suggest one might be possible.” —Paul, 32
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.