Ride 'em, cowgirl!
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on May 22, 2017
I don’t remember the first time I saw a woman riding a Sybian machine in pornography, but I do know that it had a real effect on me.
If you watch enough porn (and, cunning pervert that I am, I have) you start to feel (or at least believe you can feel) when porn stars are genuinely enjoying something, or when they are faking it for an audience.
When I saw women sit down on these giant sex saddles, my eyes bugged out of my head. I couldn’t imagine a life where you would have a giant horseless sex saddle machine in your own home. I also couldn’t imagine how a normal human being like me could be expected to survive using a sex toy that seemed to make even the most veteran porn stars lose their minds with rapid-fire orgasms.
Now I’m a grownup (I mean, according to the numbers by which we count such things) and I review a lot of different sex toys for this site so that you, dear and gentle reader, can determine which items are the best for shoving up inside your vagina.
Still, I never thought I would get to try a sex machine like a Sybian. These things sell themselves and they are notoriously expensive. The basic Sybian package starts at like $1345, and that is not change for chumps, as they say.
That’s why I was stoked to try out Motorbunny’s slightly cheaper ($899) alternative to the infamous Sybian sex saddle when they reached out to me. Side note: it is never not going to be weird to have PR and marketing people beg me to masturbate with their clients’ products. For serious.
Motorbunny
I loved the Motorbunny before it even arrived (in a discreet cardboard box). In fact, I’ve written about them before. Motorbunny supports the arts and they have a sense of humor about sex, which I think is fundamental. I explained all of this to my roommate as I unpacked the damn thing, waggling different attachments in her face all the while.
Know this going in, Motobunny’s attachments are all “flesh colored” if you happen to have white flesh. If you are not Caucasian, you absolutely have the right to be pissed but not surprised when you open up the box. The attachments include a couple of different pieces of rubber without dildos (designed for grinding) and then more attachments with dildos on them in addition to patches designed to stimulate your clit.
I need to tell you this right now: this is the single loudest sex toy you will ever buy. I live on the highway but I had to promise my roommate I would not use the Motorbunny when she was home, not because it would be awkward, but because her room is below mine and the damn thing sounds like a diesel engine hauling roughly 800 angry bulls across the country. That’s right, even the sound of the Brooklyn Queens Expressway could not drown out the Motorbunny.
Motorbunny
True to my word, I did not enjoy the fruits of this machine while she was home — minus a fun experiment where I attached my cat’s favorite toy to the saddle and enjoyed watching him chase it around and around and around.
When my roommate went out of town, it was time to christen the Motorbunny, vaginally speaking. My boyfriend is my dom, so it’s not surprising that he was VERY excited to hold a remote control by which he could literally control my orgasms. I swear to you that even holding the controls were like an instant boner-giver.
Hilariously, I mounted it backward. My boyfriend and I were both kind of confused about how I was supposed to mount it, and I wound up doing it wrong. Yet, even sitting on that damn beast backward I still jumped like a cat the second he started playing with controls. I swear to you at one point I was on the ceiling going “huh, I didn’t know my fingers could grip this way.”
I barely last thirty seconds before the machine had me cumming -- and then cumming again in rapid succession. Maybe it’s because I’m out of shape, but I’m so thankful we set the thing up beside my bed, just so I had something to hold on to, otherwise I believe there was a very real chance I could have swooned and hit my head on my boyfriend’s erect penis. Talk about a mood killer.
You do not need to get a Motorbunny to have awesome sex and awesome orgasms, but if you are a sex toy collector looking for their next big thrill, you’ve got to do it. People call it a Sybian knock-off, but that kind of feels like calling pizza junk food: how can something that makes you so happy be anything other than manna from heaven?