4 Things Unsuccessful Men Do When They Text That Keep Them From Getting A Reply
Abdullah Raafat | Unsplash On December 3, 1992, a 22-year-old test engineer for Sema Group used a personal computer to send what is said to be the first text message — “Merry Christmas” — to a colleague, and text messaging as we know it was born.
When it comes to modern-day texting, getting left on read isn't random. More often, it comes down to subtle telling habits that kill momentum before a conversation ever has a chance. Many men repeat these same small mistakes without even realizing how they come across, leaving the other person feeling bored, pressured, or just totally unsure how to respond.
Here are 4 things unsuccessful men do when they text that keep them from getting a reply:
1. They text like an overly enthusiastic teenager
I accept that a certain amount of text-speak has slipped into the American vernacular, but recently, when after saying something funny via text to an adult male, I received this back: “OMFGROTFLMAO :-D”
I was left with two questions:
1. What does that mean?
2. Why do I talk to this guy?
Here’s the what: I know that abbreviations are helpful. No one wants to type (or read) a novel in text message form. I also know that tone doesn’t always read well in a text (even my sparkling wit sometimes fails), and sometimes a well-placed emoticon means the difference between a fun exchange and the start of an argument. I get it. But come on, folks — check yourselves.
Your texts should have more actual words than abbreviations, and please use the emoticons and emojis sparingly! Also, I think we can all just agree that the letter “K” is not a sentence or even a word and thus is never the correct textual answer to “Do you want to have dinner with me?”
2. They send boring, one-word responses
Monstera Production / Pexels
One-word answers are the absolute worst. Are they a lack of effort, a fear of sounding too eager, or do you just not get how sentences work? Sentences keep things moving. One-word answers bring them to a grinding halt (as do one-letter answers, like the letter “K” — see above).
And worse than the Conversation Killer (who you’ll meet in a minute), these types of texters can make their texting partner feel like they are distracted, annoyed, or just not interested.
Notice how they only use one word, and no one seems happy to interact with them? Coincidence? I think not. Research shows that when people perceive their partner as unresponsive in communication, they experience decreased satisfaction and closeness in those relationships. One-word texts signal low effort and make the other person feel ignored or invalidated.
3. They kill the conversation with closed-ended replies
This guy is only slightly better than the Dalek. Here’s a sample conversation with him (note that you are playing the role of The CK).
Me: “Dinner last night was awesome, and your karaoke was impressive! I had a blast!”
You: “Yeah, me too.”
Do you see what happened there?! I wrote to you after our awesome date, and you responded with what we call a dead end. Now I'm left thinking, “So ... do I try again? Is he going to say more? ... Bored now.” And now we’re not going out again. Good job.
The Conversation Killer makes conversing with them feel like work. It’s like pulling teeth to move the conversation forward and, if you are anything like me, your patience wears thin- quickly. Anyone with improv experience knows the value of saying, “Yes, and ...”
That is to say that contributing something to the dialogue keeps things progressing. Think of this the same way. Don’t just agree, add a thought, a question, a joke … anything! Give your text partner something to work with. One final note on this: Sending the letter “K” as an answer kills conversations. Don’t do it.
Partners who seem understanding, validating, and caring through their communication are perceived as more responsive, a 2023 study explained. When someone gives closed-ended replies that offer nothing to build on, they're perceived as unresponsive, and it kills any chance of building intimacy or connection.
4. They constantly brag about their accomplishments
Karola G / Pexels
This one is a little sad. Sometimes, often around the time of a breakup, folks suspect their calls are being dodged and voicemails erased without being heard, and they see texting as their only opportunity to say their piece. I call this the “Hail Mary Text” because I think everyone who does it thinks that they are sending a message of such persuasiveness that they’ll be like Dallas Cowboys legend Roger Staubach in 1975.
I will not say that this never works because I’m sure there are times when it has, but, brass tacks? You’re dealing with someone who doesn’t want to talk to you. This means you’re starting to nudge the line on creepy behavior here. Also, texting is not the place for an emotional exchange. It’s just not the appropriate medium.
Put those two facts together, and you’ve just expressed strong feelings inappropriately to someone who doesn’t want to talk to you. You may as well write a note reading, “I want to wear your skin as a coat,” tie it to a brick, and chuck it through their window. You need to find another way! Remember, throwing the Hail Mary can easily make you Tom Brady in 2012. P.S. “K” = still not a word.
Research on online dating found that people who brag excessively about themselves, their looks, or their accomplishments are judged as less trustworthy and less socially attractive. This bragging actually lessens the chances someone will want to date or even contact them.
JoEllen Notte is a writer, speaker, researcher, and author. She has been featured in The Daily Dot, AlterNet, Powell's Books Blog, and more.
