Women Share Their TRUE Stories About Big Boobs Behaving Badly

It's tough out there for the twins.

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Big boobs

Much like being bitten by a radioactive spider and waking the next day to discover that you have been gifted with powers beyond your control, they are a gift and they are a curse.

I have big boobs, and I'll be the first to tell you that they are often. I have no doubt they have gotten me out of jams like parking tickets. They make certain outfits look just amazing. If I ever need a place to store my ATM card and I'm not carrying a purse, my big boobs are a godsend.


But having big boobs can also be annoying and well, hilarious. Once, while trying to fit into a too-small bra, I gave myself a black eye. Once while talking to a nice dude at the gym for a prolonged amount of time, I felt a breeze and realized that my nipple had been out and smiling at him the entire time. 

If you have big boobs then you know they are just as likely to leave you laughing as they are to turn someone on. 

I knew I couldn't be alone in this, so I asked some of my fellow anonymous big-boob having ladies to tell me the funniest stories they had about massive mammaries and they were happy to oblige me! 

  • "I was at the beach once and clad in a bikini (which I now realize is a huge no-no for multiple reasons). I was standing in the water and a huge wave knocked me over and my top came completely off. Not only that, but it ripped too. I had to hold it together while trying to wipe sand and seaweed out of my eyes and hair in front of complete strangers — simply mortifying."

    She probably ushered some young boy into manhood that day.
  • "I gave my younger cousin a hug while I was standing and he was sitting in a chair. Ended up just giving him boob in the face! Whoops."

    Ah yes, big boobs, the wonderful sauce of awkward that turns the average friendly hug into a full-on breast assault. I know it well.
  • "I don't really have boobs. But I have enough muscle that if I relax I can reach across with my other arm and jiggle my pec muscle. Sometimes I'll pull my collar down, reach under with my other hand, jiggle my pec at someone and say "look at this titty." I'll put a lot of emphasis on *TI-tty. It gets a laugh sometimes. Other times people are unsure of how to react. But when I do that it really does sort of look like I have a boob. It's something I really like to do."

    Usually when people chime in on my surveys with silly responses like this, but I have to give it to this dude. Because the word "titty" IS extra fun to say if you emphasis the first syllable. Shine on, you crazy diamond. 

    via GIPHY

  • "When I've gone to work out at the gym and my nipples get hard from lifting weights but they are in opposite directions so it looks like my high beams are all off point."

  • "My cat was on the high back of a chair hanging out. I walked by. He didn't like that I dared to pass by him. He bit through my shirt and all the way through my nipple. It was pierced by his front razors all the way with obvious holes on top and bottom. Embarrassing doctor visit followed attempting to explain that he was a dick and I wasn't doing anything weird with him. I miss that crazy kid."

    I probably would've let me nipple fall off before seeing a doctor who I thought might report me for bestiality. You are a braver woman than I. 
  • "Once in college, all my sports bras were dirty so I decided to wrap an ace bandage around my chest before going out for a job. Needless to say about 10 minutes in it popped off, and hit me in the eye, in full view of our dining hall. Verily, my boobs cannot be tamed."

    Verily, indeed. 

  • "We were at church and this lady with large breasts was wearing a slightly low cut top. When she bent forward to pray, one of her boobs fell out of her top and she just looked around really casually and tucked it back into her top and went back to praying."

    Kind of gives a whole new meaning to "Jesus take the wheel" don't it?

  • "My mother used to measure us by "boob height," meaning that we were growing if the tops of our heads surpassed them. She thought it was a good use of boobs after having kids."

    Makes sense. I've always said that measuring tape was for amateurs.

  • "My mom had breast cancer and her fake boobs have always been a source of amusement. Once, she got a special new boob for swimming. The only problem? The nipple on that boob was constantly erect. When she wore it I called her winkie. Once, she couldn't find her everyday boob. Where was it? In the dog's mouth. His new favorite chew toy!" Boobs not attached to a person = comedy gold every time. 

    Boobs not attached to a person = comic gold every single time. 

  • "I work from home. I was coloring my hair during a work conference call that was going over time and I needed to rinse. Badly. I had no choice but to take my computer into the bathroom ... and I started rinsing my hair in the sink. Note: I'm naked from the waist up. Somehow, I hit the VIDEO button on Skype and broadcast my boobs to the call."

    What a boob. 

  • "My mom uses her boobs to clean picture frames. They work PERFECTLY for removing dust from them because they protrude."

    I know dudes who would pay top dollar to have such a service provided to them. 

    via GIPHY