
Handjobs = scut work.
By Kiarra Sylvester — Written on Apr 17, 2017
Photo: weheartit

Handjobs are in a league of there own when it comes to foreplay.
They're the scut work of foreplay, and I feel confident enough to speak on behalf of women everywhere when I say they are the effing worst. There's literally nothing positive that comes to mind when I think about having to give a handjob.
My only goal is to find a way out of them or keep them short and sweet.
It's the one time where his pleasure is not and will not be a priority. And, I won't make any apologies for it.
Maybe I feel this strongly about it because there's far too much work that goes into a handjob for such little outcome and that means you aren't working smart — just too damn hard.
Hell, you can give a BJ with a little hand action and kill two birds with one stone a lot quicker.
That said, I try to avoid handies at all costs, but on the rare chance that I can't get out of giving a handjob, here are the 18 thoughts I'm impatiently having.
1. So ... this happening?
2. At what age do handjobs become childish? Probably a couple years past due.
3. Why is everything sex-related such a workout?
4. I'm getting a cramp in my hand.
5. This requires Olympic-level shake weight training. I wonder how many calories I'm burning?
6. I have to start taking this guy to the gym with me, far better than any one machine.
7. Christ, I should've just given him a BJ at least there's far more mutual pleasure in than this.
8. Feels weird ... like I'm choking a turtle.
9. OMG ... CRAMP!!!
10. I guess I should be used to this by now.
11. Is it time for him to put it in yet?
12. I won't be a team player if I quit, huh?
13. Yeah, there you go ... give me a hand with this thing.
14. Guess he felt my fist pump game growing weaker by the minute. Oh, well.
15. Whatevs, I don't claim to be the best at handjobs or anything. Definitely not my forte.
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16. Ooh yes! It's time. It's going down.
17. That was definitely my workout for the day.
18. I feel like only creepy guys like things like handjobs. No?
19. I am strong. I am woman. *in my Samantha via Sex & the City 2 karaoke voice*