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By Brit Brogaard — Written on Jul 24, 2020
Most people who have been in a long-term committed relationship know, or eventually come to realize, that relationships are hard work. Both parties need to put in energy and effort. Otherwise, the relationship will eventually fail.
We all would prefer to avoid relationship failure, which raises the question: If you are in a new relationship, is there a way to predict whether your new sweetheart is willing to put in the energy and effort it takes for the relationship to work out?
The answer, of course, is no. Relationships are unpredictable. But here are some signs that your new partner may not have what it takes to maintain a long-term relationship and avoid making relationship mistakes:
1. Whenever the two of you have even a minimal argument, your partner is breaking up with you.
They may or may not mean it at the time, they may apologize the next day, but the very thought that they might think or feel that breaking up on the spot is the best way to handle relationship problems in a mature manner is truly concerning.
2. While you may have plenty of fun together and may be experts in the art of small-talk, your partner hardly ever communicates in a calm and relaxed manner about what they want from the relationship, what is fantastic about it, what they would like to change or where the relationship is going.
3. Your new partner is not truly recognizing or acting as if they are in a relationship.
Being formerly single, they act like they are still single. They make their own decisions about what they want to do and hardly ever ask you what you want.
4. Your relationship isn't really going anywhere.
Even if you don't have plans to move in together or get married, every relationship should be growing. If you feel stuck in the same situations, talking about the same topics year after year, then there is probably no growth in your relationship. Without growth, your relationship will eventually become nothing more than a friendship with (or maybe even without) benefits.
5. Your partner makes virtually no attempts to have sex with you ever, despite the newness or revival of the relationship.
If your partner isn't interested in having sex with you on a regular basis, especially at the beginning of the relationship, it is a sure tell sign that they are not truly interested in having a committed long-term relationship.
The best thing to do if you recognize these relationship mistakes is to have a serious conversation with your partner as soon as possible.
If that is not possible, call it quits. While some people do change, most don't. Old habits die hard. If things are difficult now, the likelihood is that they are only going to get worse, especially if you are unable to have a serious conversation about what you want from each other and from the relationship.
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Berit "Brit" Brogaard is a co-author of The Superhuman Mind and the author of On Romantic Love.
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This article was originally published at Psychology Today. Reprinted with permission from the author.