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"My wife would steal my Ambien and deny it while essentially hallucinating."
By Aly Walansky — Written on Apr 12, 2017
We've all been there: dating someone for a week or a month or even the first night and they turn off to us, saying they can't deal with our crazy. Of course, we've dealt with it regarding their crazy as well.
But how much crazy is too much crazy? A little adds to the fun, right?
We asked a bunch of guys what makes a girl crazy and how they figured out the girl they were with was crazy. Sometimes it was a minor red flag, but in other cases, it was downright sudden and inexplicable violence.
"One day, out of the blue, my wife (now ex) asked me, 'If I died, would you get married again?' So, I thought about it, and immediately after I said 'Yes' and before I could say anything else, she turned violent and began throwing things towards me, my computer, and camera equipment; something small (the wedding ring), a shoe, a waste basket. She would not stop.
I pinned her up against the wall to get her to stop, like in a football stance with my arm across her chest below her neck, and she then clocked me in the nose with a hard elbow. I was suddenly bleeding profusely. I took her to the ground, and in retaliation, I purposefully bled all over her face until the fight was utterly out of her, and she was simply disgusted. She then tried to extort me for $10,000 and that we would never see each other again. I should have taken the deal; it would have been far cheaper than what happened next with her because I did not learn my lesson about how to recognize evil people yet."
Like... WHAT?! That's just one story. So, buckle up because there's a lot more crazy to come.
1. She was as needy as a middle school girl.
"I went out with a girl for 3 months. About halfway through that time, I realized she had some serious issues. After a weekend away together in a place she was dying to go, I received some criticism for the weekend. Her BIGGEST complaint by far: on the 3-hour ride from my house to our destination, I didn't hold her hand for the entire ride. Let me be clear: I held her hand at points, but she expected it held for the WHOLE ride. Other signs soon revealed themselves, but this was the tipping point. She was VERY upset and told everyone who would listen about it."
2. She was vulgar.
"I had a girl on our first date once ask two guys standing next to us if they were jealous that she was going to be giving me a blowjob later... as she untied the guys tie and put it on her head Rambo style."
3. She tried to manipulate me.
"Wife one would steal my Ambien and deny it while essentially hallucinating and drinking wine after taking it. Started counting pills. Also, caught her on a conference call with her siblings trying to scheme in order to rip off their dying dad. Wife two quit her job because I spent $49 on a Rolling Stones PPV. She said she wasn’t going to sit in traffic in order to support my rock and roll habit. Current girlfriend recorded an argument and is very close to becoming an ex-girlfriend. College girlfriend, who was caught cheating with my roommate, told me she was doing research in order to be better in bed for me."
4. She almost tricked me into having a kid.
"A girl that I met when I crashed a law school mixer... We talked all night about everything. She was great — smart, funny, attractive. We went back to her place and due to a bit of poor judgment we maybe did things unprotected. The next morning when we were chatting, I brought it up. She said she wasn't on the pill but she just wouldn't eat for the next month. I was kind of floored. Didn't stay long after that... And that's how my son was conceived. (Just kidding on that part... but the story was true!)"
5. She was living with her ex-boyfriend.
"I went on a date with a girl and found out she was still living with her ex because they were 'just friends now' and he was a 'great roommate.' Before we said goodnight she kept begging me to take her to a hotel because she couldn't bring guys home to her own place. So many red flags."
6. She cut all the electrical cords out of spite.
"Back in college, my friend's ex cut all of the electrical cords in his apartment after he told her that he couldn't take her to breakfast because he had wrestling practice."
7. She lied about being pregnant to get revenge on me.
"After dating for about six months and breaking up, she proceeded to tell me she was pregnant and that I'd never see the baby. After months of harassment, (sending pictures of the baby to my parents) and a year of tracking her down, I took her to court only to have her say in front of a judge that she had made the whole thing up. There was no child. The pictures were of her nephew."
8. She forced me to get a tattoo of her initials.
"When I was in college in my first year I was dating a girl who I had started dating roughly a year before that. One day she texted me an address and when I got there it was a sh*tty tattoo parlor. When I entered the shop, the tattoo artist was just finishing up a tattoo on her. It was my first initial tattooed on her inner arm! She, only after getting tattooed, said we should get couple tattoos and I should get her first Initial on me. Seeing that I was at a crossroads, I either had to break up on the spot or get a tattoo. So to this day (12 years later) I still have a lovely 'L' on my left rib cage, given to me by a drunk tattoo artist who did just an awful job."
9. She was bipolar.
"I was 19 or 20 years old and a bunch of us were hanging out in different rooms of an apartment. I was in one room with a few people, porn playing on the TV. This girl walked in and we knew of each other but that's pretty much it. She sat next to me and within 5 minutes her hand was rubbing my dick. So within 5 minutes of that, we were making out in my car and asked if I wanted to go back to her place. If that wasn't crazy enough, we lasted about 2 weeks banging like crazy every night while I'd watch her bipolar play out — happy and cheery one second and a balling mess the next, and back again."
10. She didn't own up to her baggage.
"I'm not sure we're supposed to use the word crazy anymore, but bouts of violent mania followed by fugue-like inability to remember the tantrum were a tip-off that something may be amiss. Periodically, there was alcohol or a holiday from medication involved, but the morning after an 'A Clockwork Orange'-esque romp through my belongings/home, followed by a next day text message asking what happened the night before, and 'Do you know why my hands hurt so bad?' that's when I knew. After consulting a family member, it turns out they used to film her during these episodes and ask her to watch the tapes afterward, so I don't believe she was using it as cover for not owning up to something embarrassing. Kind of terrifying."