Is A Steak And BJ Day A Symbol Of Male Privilege Or Feminist Opportunity?


What Is Steak And BJ Day: Symbol Of Male Privilege Or Sex-Positive Feminist Opportunity? Weheartit

I consider myself a sex-positive, man-friendly feminist with a dash of love for all things girly and pinch of an edgy penchant for calling it like I see.

So when I see a post reminding the public that March 14 — otherwise known as Steak and BJ Day — is on the way, I find myself utterly conflicted between opposing feelings of glee and disgust.

On the one hand, the origins of this "holiday" reek with the textbook definition of male privilege.


Male privilege has been explained as "an invisible package filled with unearned privileges that are constantly at work, but which are unspoken and most people remain oblivious to. The benefits of this unspoken privilege are often described as special provisions, tools, relationships, or various other opportunities."

If there was ever a day intended to celebrate such an "invisible package," Steak and a Blowjob Day must certainly be it.

What is Steak and BJ Day?

According to the official* website:

"Over the years, Valentine’s Day has become a commercial holiday for women. On February 14, intimate couples celebrate their love with candy, flowers, greeting cards, and other gifts of affection. Men do not want candy. Men have no need for flowers or teddy bears. There are two things men want: steak and a blowjob ..."


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I feel torn about this.

At my gut level, I want to snap back that Valentine's Day is about couples, not about women. It's about celebrating love, not about men being coerced into doing something nice for their woman because society says he should, and that if he doesn't, she should make him pay.


But if I sit back and look it from a place of honesty rather than from the soft cozy beanbag of righteous indignation, who is any of that actually kidding?

Name the last hetero man who told you he was super excited that Valentine's Day was coming around the bend. Chances are if you do have such a dude to pull out of your hat, he was hoping to get laid or engaged or both.

I'm not being sexist saying that, by the way. I'm being real.

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Adding to my softening position on this day meant to celebrate the most firmly held desires of most men, the "about" page on the same site continues to make a point of clarification about conditions for the day I hadn't heard of or read about before.


"The concept for the holiday is simple. If a man makes his woman feel special on Valentine’s Day, then she will make him feel special one month later. What makes Steak and BJ Day unique is that it is dependent on the guy and if he made Valentine’s Day special for his loved one. If a man does not take care of his woman on February 14, then she does not have to take care of him in March."

Ohhh ...

See, one of my the initials arguments that also popped into my head regarding Steak and BJ Day as the male Valentine's Day equivalent was that most women I know only find themselves frustrated, disappointed or depressed by that tricky devil of a holiday that falls on us every February 14.

But, if any given couple chooses to see these as mutually reciprocal opportunities for selfless acts, hey — why not?!


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Add to that the fact that any whole-hearted celebration of either V-day or Steak and BJ Day is never truly selfless for the giver, and my support for the concept is rapidly increasing.

Think about it.

Let's say a guy buys his woman some flowers, chocolate and (pleasepleaseplease) jewelry. Does he not get to enjoy a decent portion of that chocolate and the delicious smell of those flowers as well? Doesn't he bask in the glow of his woman's beautiful smile when she receives and opens her gift?

And let's say a woman prepares her man his steak and performs the most enthusiastic fellatio of her life. Is she not eating a meal alongside her love and sharing an evening engaged with him in hot, intimate and passionate sex?


Because here's the kicker ...

If you're a man or woman who made the sincere effort of getting and/or doing for your woman or man something special that she or he wants and enjoys (as opposed to what you wanted him or her to receive), and yet your love doesn't radiate joy and show you authentic gratitude in return, the two of you have bigger problems than going tit-for-tat on Hallmark holidays.

Because if the idea of buying her roses on February 14 makes you cringe and the thought of making him a steak and tossing him a bone(r) on March 15 makes you gag, the problem doesn't lie within the patriarchy, it's in whatever is going on between the two of you.

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Frankly, if you love the one you're with, silly calendar fillers like Valentine's Day and Steak and BJ Day have nothing to do with feminism, male privilege or anything of the sort.

They're nothing but opportunities to show your lover a freaky, fun, sexy and romantic time.

*Note: This holiday may not be so official, as there appear to be many "official" sites claiming responsibility for the day. You know, kind of the way lots of random terrorist organizations try to claim responsibility for an attack before the real culprit finally reveals themselves ...


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Deputy Editor Arianna Jeret, MA/MSW, has been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Huffington Post, Yahoo Style, MSN, Fox News, Bustle, Parents and more. Find her on Twitter and Instagram for more.