Photo: by James Barr on Unsplash
Buckle up, because you're about to take him on the ride of his life!
By Elle Chase, ACS — Written on Feb 12, 2020
For anyone who’s heard about Tantric sex and has been daunted by the complexities of this Eastern art of lovemaking, you might want to consider starting with a Lingam massage.
In Tantra, the Lingam is the penis.
In fact, in Sanskrit it means “a symbol of divine generative energy, esp. a phallus or phallic object worshiped by Shiva in the Hindu religion.”
The art of Lingam massage is not to bring the man to orgasm, but to let him relax and be the receiver of pleasure, hopefully achieving a higher state of consciousness. This act can strengthen the intimacy between you and your lover or build intimacy between new partners.
While a Lingam massage is best administered by a partner who is a trained and certified Tantra practitioner, we can pick up a couple of tips to add a unique and relaxing experience to your sexual repertoire.
Here are 5 steps for giving him an out-of-this-world Lingam massage (aka penis massage):
1. Set the scene.
Forgo the bedside lamps and go for candlelight instead. Set the mood with relaxing music and incense to make the atmosphere extra exotic.
You’ll want to have an unscented, all natural oil like the kind in the Sliquid Balance Collection for the massage and one or two hand towels nearby. If you prefer to use a commercial massage oil with a scent, you’ll want to have some lube on hand for the main event, as some additives and scented essential oils can be very irritating to that sensitive area.
2. Use a deliberate touch.
Ask your lover to lie down face-up and close his eyes. Warming the oil in your hands, begin to spread the liquid over his entire body. As you are rubbing his body, set your intention to do this in the most loving and caring way. Make believe you’ve never touched this person before and slowly explore every part of his body with each rhythmic stroke.
These caresses will slow his heart rate, reduce any stress from the day and speed up the release of oxytocin, which promotes feelings of well-being.
3. Let massage time begin.
When it comes time to massage his penis, make certain your hands are oiled or lubed.
For beginners, think of massaging his penis as if you were deconstructing a handjob. Do everything you might do in a hand job, but break up the actions and go much slower:
- Try cradling his balls and massage in between his testicles. Rub his perineum while you gently stroke his shaft.
- Concentrate on just the head of his penis. Use one hand like a “juicer” and gently move the other up and down his shaft.
- Really oil up your hands, put his penis in between your laced fingers, and move up and down with a firm grip.
- Take your interlaced hands above his corona (head of his penis) and even more firmly bring them down again, mimicking the opening to your vagina. Then watch his toes curl.
4. Honor the Lingam.
Part of the mindset of a Lingam massage is honoring his penis.
Think about how much trust it takes for a man to give up complete control of not just his penis, but his entire body to another person. Respect this relinquishment and handle his body and his penis with the care and reverence it deserves. Intention is everything here.
Again, the goal is not for him to orgasm (although that’s a lovely side benefit if he does), but to allow him to receive pleasure and tune into the sensual array of sensations his penis can experience.
5. Be prepared for him to experience a full-body orgasm.
You might find that throughout the massage your partner could vary from hard to soft and everywhere in between. This is completely normal and has nothing to do with his level of enjoyment.
Continue your massaging, stroking, grazing and fondling of his penis. In fact, by “edging” his orgasm — bringing him close to coming and then back down again over and over — later, perhaps when both of you are having sex, this will make it more intense.
Some men report that they have a full-body orgasm. This is a powerful orgasm where he may also feel a pulsing sensation in other parts of his body, like his torso, thighs, and feet. Even others report a “heady” feeling of euphoria more profound and deep than they have experienced in orgasms past.
While there are way too many techniques to go over here, I highly recommend the book “Red Hot Touch: A Head-to-Toe Handbook for Mind-Blowing Orgasms” by Jaiya and Jon Hanauer, as well as her companion DVD, “Red Hot Touch: Genital Massage for Men.” I have found Jaiya’s series of books and DVDs to be the best for beginners. They offer a more in-depth explanation of the specific techniques of Lingam massage.
Here's a short sample of her work:
Whatever happens when you decide to give him your version of a Lingam massage, the important thing is to enjoy the process of giving him the pleasure of a new and enticing way to experience his sexuality.
Regardless of whether this becomes a part of your regular routine or remains something you try once or twice, I’m certain it won’t be something he will soon forget.
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A singular voice in the sexual health community and a body acceptance thought-leader, Elle Chase is a sought after sex education/sexuality expert for such outlets as NBC's Today Show, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, The Huffington Post, Men’s Health and BuzzFeed, as well as the creator of the award-winning feminist sensual images blog Lady Cheeky. Her much anticipated first book, “Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life,” is available now.
This article was originally published at Smut for Smarties. Reprinted with permission from the author.