10 Realistic Ways To Make Your Love Last A Really Long Time

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how to make a relationship last

Having a good and long-lasting relationship isn’t rocket science. By being loving and supportive, you can keep your foundation strong and build your dreams for the future.

Here's how to make a relationship last, especially when you feel like you and your partner aren't on the same page anymore.

1. Be nice to each other. 

For the vast majority of couples that come to me, this is their first homework assignment, and it almost always helps in a significant way. If you’ve been at odds with each other, you have stopped doing nice things for one another. Keep opening doors, making nice meals, and saying, “I love you.”

RELATED: A Relationship Can't Survive Without These 10 Things

2. Find little things to do that make your partner smile. 

I call it the Scavenger Hunt. Every day, I look for something to make my partner smile. It can be a key chain, a flower, or even a good quote — just something to make her know that I’ve been thinking about her and hold her close to my heart.

3. Let go of the little things that bug you about your mate. 

The best way to do this is to say to yourself that those behaviors do not take away from your relationship and to let your resentment go. A conversation may be needed, but it can be kept light, and most things can be easily fixed.

For example, if your mate likes the TV louder than you do, get a pair of wireless headphones. You will both be happier, and the sound is actually much better.

4. Never argue in front of the kids. 

The greatest gift parents can give their children is to have a good relationship with each other. When you argue, your children can become very anxious about what will happen to the family and to them. Also never use the D word (divorce); it is far too threatening and toxic.

5. Look for the good things that your mate does.

Some people go on a detective-like search for things that their partners do wrong, maybe because they want some ammo for the next time they have an issue. But telling your mate what he or she is doing right may well prevent that imaginary issue from ever coming up.

6. Never blame, shame, or complain.

It’s easy to point fingers and voice your disappointment, but before you do, think about a couple of things. First, ask yourself, how will what you are about to say make your partner feel, and will it make things better?

A much more effective approach is to tell your mate you’d really like it if he or she did some things in a different way, and offer some solid examples. Please do it in a nice way.

RELATED: 10 Things You Need To Do Every Single Day To Make Your Relationship Last Forever

7. Leave love notes. 

When I reach into my pocket and find a piece of paper that says “Love you,” it brightens my day, and I feel better about my life. Reminding your partner of your unwavering affection is very powerful and will provide the lift he or she needs to get through another day at the office or of taking care of the family.

8. Cuddle often. 

Going to bed together, holding hands, and snuggling on the sofa are just a few of the ways you can physically connect, and all of these will help to deepen your emotional bond. If your partner wants to go to bed early and you still want to stay up, lie down together until your mate falls asleep, and then you can get back up and do whatever you wanted to do.

9. Have dinner as a family whenever possible. 

Again, this is one of the best ways to help your kids become good adults, and it brings everyone closer. In addition, having a romantic dinner on date nights for just the two of you is also a must.

10. Trust that you are with the right person. 

When you doubt that the person you are with is right for you, you will be unable to put the right kind of energy into the relationship. Even if you’ve hit a rough patch, seeing that you chose wisely will make resolving issues easier and life as a couple more enjoyable.

There are plenty of other things you can do to strengthen your bond. Start with these and don’t try to do them all at once. Just start with number one and the others will be easy to add to your interactions.

RELATED: If You Do These 10 Things, Your Relationship Will Go The Distance

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Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, syndicated columnist, keynote speaker, and most recently the author of Emotional Fitness for Couples.

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