12 Love Poems For Women Who Think Romance Is BULLSH*T

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love poems for her

Because who needs all that gushy stuff?

I am not a romantic person.

Don't get me wrong, if you want to festoon me with flowers or dump a box of chocolates in my lap, I won't be mad at it. 

But if a guy were to compose me a love poem and then recite it?

I'd be more likely to swoon from shame than I would be to swoon from deep and abiding passion at his heartfelt gesture. 

Just because I'm not a traditionally romantic woman, that doesn't mean I don't appreciate poetry.

If anything, when I find a love poem for her that isn't all about someone's throbbing member or how their hair looks like sunlight, I feel personally vindicated.

Because let's be real:

Poetry may be full of pure light and love, but love isn't always like that. 

Sure those love poems for her that are designed to make a woman feel like a goddess have their place.

But I prefer a love poem for her that's going to point out the awkward, the uncomfortable, the funny, and the dark side of romance and love. 

Just because I prefer to read a sweet ode about my vagina, that doesn't mean I don't know how to love or appreciate gestures of romance.

Love poems should be specific. 

Sweet little poems are great for sweet women, but a more complicated, sarcastic eye-rolling dame deserves something a little bit different. 

She deserves something like one of these totally hilarious and totally lovely poems for her! 

Love isn't a four letter word...but it should be!
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"I will break every 

every fucking 

clock on this earth

to prove 

that we are 

not bad timing."

- Erin Van Vuren 

Every man in love is a bad poet.
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He said 

"Your are beautiful"

I told him 


is a lazy and lousy way to describe me. 


- Unknown 


Tolkien fans need love too.
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Beards can be red

Swords can glow blue 

There's only one precious 

And that must be you

- Unknown 

When romance becomes DAMN creepy
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I'm obsessed with love,

well with you,

but that sounds 

more stalkery 

and less poetic. 

- Leo Christopher 

Falling in love effin' HURTS.
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I didn't fall 

for you.

You fucking tripped me. 

- Unknown 

Nothing says love like vodka
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Roses are red 

Violets are blue 

Vodka is cheaper 

than dinner for two. 

- Unknown 

Smash dat ass!
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Roses are red 

Hulk is green

I'd smash dat ass 

If you know what I mean. 

- Unknown 

Pizza once again conquers all.
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I like you 

You like pizza

I am bad at poems 

Kiss me. 


- Unknown 

Love doesn't need logic.
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Roses are red 

Violets are blue 

Garlic bread

Blink 182 

- Unknown 

Nothing says love like the Jazz Age!
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I want a quiet life. 

Other times 

I just want to go fucking Gatsby.

- Atticus 

Grumpy cat in love.
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Roses are red

Violets are blue 

Faces like yours belong in the zoo. 

But don't worry, I'll be there too.

Not in the cage. 

But laughing at you.

- Unknown 

Love doesn't JUST take your breath away.
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He smiled 

and all I could think 


"Oh shit."

- Unknown