Photo: getty images
It's toxic and wrong.
By Brittany Berke — Last updated on Sep 29, 2022
We've all been there. Those times when we bring our A-game and work so hard to make sure our partner stays interested. When we're young and in new relationships, it's understandable that you want to make things work, so we put in as much effort as possible.
But the older we get, the more mature our thinking needs to be. At some point, we have to stop working so hard for love and follow relationship advice that focuses on boosting our self-esteem.
So, if you're fighting really hard for something that seems so one-sided, it's possible you're being taken advantage of in a relationship.
Now, nobody is sitting here telling you that you should give up on somebody. However, if you've noticed that you are trying extra hard and receiving close to nothing in return, except for a broken heart and a crushed ego, please take note.
If someone is taking advantage of you in a relationship, they will tiptoe on defining the relationship because they don't care and don't think of you as their girlfriend or boyfriend. That should be the first red flag, especially if the two of you have been dating for a while.
Other signs that your partner is taking advantage of you is a lack of communication as they just like to string you along, the relationship will also always be about them and what they want, and you will feel resentment because you work harder than them because they don't pull their weight, and yet you feel guilty as the victim.
If a man really loves you, you can test him by paying attention to the things he says and what his body language says as well as how he acts around you. In a healthy relationship, you can tell from conversations and verbal and non-verbal cues that he respects you, trusts you, compliments you, and can't get enough of you, then he loves you.
You are the one that is trying way too hard in the relationship, and you should either reevaluate the relationship itself (is this really a two-way street?) or simply take three steps back.
Here are 8 major signs a guy is taking advantage of you in a relationship.
1. You're always the one making plans.
If you're constantly the one to hit them up and initiate seeing each other, stop. The drill for this is to stop, sit back, and do nothing.
If he doesn't seem to initiate any plans or text you first after, take it upon yourself to assume one of two things: Either the whole relationship was in your head and they're actually just your friend, or they treat you like absolute crap.
2. You never venture off on your own.
No matter how serious you may be with this person, it's not cute to be revolving your activities and daily routine around them 24/7. Again, no matter how serious you are, it is a major turn-off to your partner to see you follow them around like a lost puppy.
You have to find your own life and your own friends, You still are the person you've always been before you met them, so why would you compromise yourself for someone who isn't guaranteed to stay?
At the rate you're going, it looks like they will most certainly not stay anyway.
3. You constantly make excuses for your partner.
So, you're telling me that the person you're with is perfect and always needs to be defended? Basically, you refuse to see the truth and want to blind yourself from the very clear flaws of what they're doing.
If you were confident in the relationship you were in, you'd have no problem communicating with them and/or venting. The more you defend them, the more we are all twitching around you waiting for you to see reality for what it is.
4. You compromise on the things you want.
Basically, it's all about them. Even your "wants" aren't your own. They're manipulated and molded to fit the wants of your (obviously) controlling, narcissistic partner.
For instance, if you used to love binge-watching "The Bachelor" and stopped because you know your partner hates it, that's a major issue.
5. You wear makeup to sleep and prep before they wake up.
No one just "wakes up like this." If you pull a Kristin Wiig in "Bridesmaids" or Rose Weissman from "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel," and fix yourself up in the morning before your partner wakes up, you are trying too hard.
The person you're with should know you and not care whether you sleep naked, smelly, or with a big ol' bun on top of your head.
6. You're afraid of confrontation.
You are a strong person, no matter who you are or where you came from. You need to love yourself and be confident enough to fight with your partner and stand up for what you believe in.
If you are afraid to do this, your relationship has some serious things you both need to work on. FYI, the more you try to appease them by dodging confrontation, the angrier (or more resentful) you both are getting.
7. You find yourself waiting around.
Whether you physically wait for them to come back from wherever they went, or you are constantly suppressing your emotions (that are eating away at you, by the way) in hopes that they will become different somehow in the morning, what you're doing isn't working.
You really are worth it, and you deserve the same respect from your partner in return. So keep that in mind.
8. You make dinner every single night.
Nobody said you can't take turns or be nice and have your hubby come home to a nice, home-cooked meal every so often. But every night?
Listen, if that's your arrangement and none of the other points prior to this one apply to you, all the power to you. But don't you work or do important things during the day that make you tired, too? They should be as accommodating to you as you are to them.
If this isn't happening, it may be time to re-assess what you are getting in this relationship. Because you deserve great things too.
More for You:
Brittany Berke loves to story-tell through the art of writing and acting. Her work has been featured in Elite Daily, Bustle, Odyssey, and more.