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Sometimes the hottest sex of all is no sex.
By Aly Walansky — Written on Dec 02, 2016
Sex is great, but it's not always in the cards. But just because you are not having intercourse right now, there's no reason you can't get off... or at least set the stage for a naughty time later.
There are so many ways to get there. "Show your boyfriend a porn film and suggest that you watch it together but make a rule: No intercourse," says Julia Allen, pioneer female entrepreneur and co-founder of StockingsVR. He has to give you an orgasm with his hands/tongue/feet/voice. Being creative and imaginative may make you discover all sorts of new ways you can be turned on.
Or try to talk dirty to your boyfriend.
"Masturbate in front of him and pretend that you are a stripper on stage performing just for him," says Allen. If he and you can get off without even touching each other, but by watching each other, that's incredible. You can try this in person or via Skype or text even if you are feeling super-adventurous. And that's just the beginning.
Here's how to have sex without actually having sex. It may not be what you're used to, but it will certainly get you there.
1. Dry humping/tribbing
"One time I was with another girl and she scissor-locked my legs, and with our panties rubbing together we both had an orgasm without any direct skin contact," says Allen.
You can also have sex fully dressed.
"Before I knew what sex really was, I used to dry hump by rubbing my vagina on the other person's leg. For me, the experience of having my clitoris stimulated can bring me to orgasm. I can still have amazing sex from having my labia and clit stimulated by a tongue, finger or vibrating toy," agrees adult actress Tanya Tate.
2. Flashing
"When you are having coffee, let your boyfriend peek up your skirt. When walking down the street, casually bend over flashing your sexy lingerie to pick something up. When you get home you won't be able to keep your hands off of each other," says Allen.
3. Frottage
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"Rubbing and grinding — the kind that takes place when both partners are either fully or partially dressed — can be exciting because it's an unexpected thing to do with your partner. There's no pressure to perform, no worries about birth control, and it's a rare opportunity for both you and your partner to climax at the same time from the very same activity," says sexpert Coleen Singer of Sssh.com.
4. Nipplegasms
Our breasts and nipples can be one of our very best friends when it comes to orgasm.
"When our partner stimulates our nipples by licking, massaging or even tapping them rhythmically, it can have the same exciting effect on our brain as clitoral and vaginal stimulation. It does take some degree of self-control by our partner to service you in this way without him getting carried away and mounting you, but if he is able to wait until you climax, he'll be more than ready to go for full-blown vaginal intercourse with you," says Singer.
5. Mutual masturbation
Masturbating with a partner can be incredibly sexy and deeply intimate.
"It allows both of you to understand how your partner gets themselves off, which in turn teaches you how to better please them," says Antonia Hall, a psychologist, relationship expert and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life.
6. Massage
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Use your hands to stimulate your partner starting with a soft touch and slowly increasing pressure to heat them up.
"A lot can be done with fingers, so explore using knuckles, fingertips, and trailing your nails over their shoulders, down their back and legs. Build on the pleasure before bringing them to climax," says Hall.
7. Nibbling
Kiss, lick and nibble your sweetheart making pleasure the only goal.
"It's deeply intimate and satisfying to gift gratification to each other in this delicious way," says Hall.
8. Breathing
Lie face to face with your partner, or have the female straddle the man while he is sitting in a supported position.
"Synchronize your breathing, allowing your sexual desires to expand with each breath," says Hall.
9. Tantra
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For thousands of years, the ancients have handed down techniques that allow one to cultivate sexual energy through breath and energy work.
"Once you've learned to move sexual energy through the body, you can bring yourself to hands-off orgasm. Tantric couples can move this energy to bring each other to mutual multiple orgasms, which is a skill well worth learning," says Hall.