This Magical Chocolate Will Cure Your Period Cramps

Photo: Chocolate With Love

God bless the soul who created this.

Ladies, you will never believe your eyes or your luck! Magic chocolate is here to cure your period cramps.

The Swiss have been making chocolate forever, and some kind soul finally took it upon themselves to take two wonderful, amazing things — chocolate and period relief — and turn them into a mystifying, delicious spell to soothe your rampaging uterus.

This is great news for women everywhere, and I’m going to have a take a minute to go and order some, like... now.  

Chocolate With Love” is the company behind this miracle food, which they’ve named Frauenmond. In English, it means “women’s moon,” which is a sweet way to describe a period, since really it should probably be, “Oh God, I’m bleeding without end; hungry, sad, and everything hurts.”

The Frauenmond chocolate is made of 60 percent cocoa, but that’s not even the best part of its pain relieving goodness. Chocolate can make you happy if you eat enough of it, but that alone isn’t strong enough to ease the terrible, sometimes mind-numbing pain of period cramps.

If you’re like me, then your periods are pretty savage, like tiny demons tap dancing on your pelvis and spine, so you know a bit of sweets aren’t enough. So what do they add to this cocoa-y yumminess to make those awful period demons take off their shoes and rest?

According to creator Marc Widmer, they also include seventeen different kinds of herbs that make your lady parts mellow the hell out.

Photos: Chocolate With Love

“We want to make the menstruation days of women more comfortable,” says Widmer. Do you hear that? Ladies around the world just simultaneously went “AWW!” at exactly the same time.

If the creator of a cramp-fixing chocolate doesn’t have women throwing themselves at him, you could color me surprised. Any guy who wants to make a woman’s period better by giving her pain-relieving herbs and chocolate definitely gets put down in the Big Book of Awesome Dudes.

So now, don’t reach for that inferior chocolate you’re craving when Aunt Flo is visiting — grab the good stuff that will actually make her visit a bit more pleasant for everyone involved, and let it work that awesome magic on your special time of the month.  

Frauenmond is currently being crowdfunded, but hopefully will be on shelves soon.