We Asked Men What They REALLY Think About Sex On The First Date

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sex on the first date

Until it happened to me, I didn't think sex on the first date was any way to start a relationship. 

Two of my most serious relationships (including the one I'm in right now) began with sex on the first date. The first relationship was an unmitigated disaster. Sex on the first date happened after an evening of drinking and went down as follows:

Him: You just got really quiet.

Me: I'm trying to decide whether or not I should bring you home with me.

Him: Well I'm a feminist, so. 

[Cut to energetic and enthusiast intercourse] 


When that relationship exploded exponentially six months later, I swore off sex on the first date, opting for the old cliche of playing hard to get. I landed another boyfriend (my words, not his) and waited the requisite three dates and change before jumping into bed with him. We lasted eight months, and after our breakup I decided that the idea of rules were stupid, and I was going to trust my heart and my heart-vagina from thereon out when it came to sex and dating. 

I'm a very sexual person. Sex is a huge part of my life. I'm also now of an age where I don't really care if a man thinks less of me for it. 

But I was curious about what other men out there thought about sex on the first date, so I asked my posse of anonymous fellows. Here's what happened: 

What do you think about having sex on the first date? Is it something you do/have done? Does sex on the first date change the way you think of your partner?

  • "Sex on the first date has to be a myth because it's literally never happened to me. That isn't to say I've never had sex with someone very soon after meeting them. That has happened plenty of times. But if I'm on a date it's like, 'OK, I'm going through the formal application process,' as opposed to cutting in line or breaking in through the side door. Of course it's funny when I think about it because I've actually never had a lasting relationship that began with a formal date. It's always just random sex followed by 'Hey, we should do that again,' followed by 'I guess we're doin' this!' I have no idea what dates are for."
  • "Depends on the chemistry on the first date. I have done it before, but not often. If we had sex on the first date, it didn't make me think of the woman negatively. Actually, it made me think 'Man, we're sympatico enough that we just skipped a whole lot of steps.'"
  • "I wouldn't say I expect sex on the first date, but I certainly look for it. I'm a very sexual person, and I usually don't date people who aren't also very sexual. That said, I'm not unpleasantly pushy. Saying 'no' doesn't automatically turn me off or anything. And it doesn't change what I think about her. I'm still down (unless it's repeated denials of sex; I probably wouldn't go on more than 3 dates without the chance for sex). That said, I think I've only ever had one long-term relationship that didn't start out with first-date sex."


  • "Yes, I have. I think sex at any time in a relationship changes the way you think.about a partner, at least in some way. It did not make me think less of them in any way, however."
  • "I have done it on several occasions in the past, and it does not negatively affect how I think of my partner."
  • "I think it's moving quite a bit faster than it should for a sustained relationship. I've done so once or twice, but never with a partner I considered investing any length of time with. First date sex is one-night-stand sex."
  • "Done it occasionally, but it usually doesn't lead to a second date."
  • "I have done it, generally I think if it feels "right" at the time then I am comfortable with it. I've also waited a month, depends on the person and how they feel, too. Also moving from "normal" dating to online dating, I think sex on the first date has gone up, personally."


  • "Like anything else it's totally up to the people involved. I've done it, and it didn't change a thing by comparison to those dates where it didn't happen."
  • "Sex on a first date is a thing I've never sought out. It's happened to me once, and the person I had sex with is now my long-term partner. Once I would have said such people were not my type — moving too fast, or engaging in risky behavior. I feel like I have a better understanding now of why people choose to do that."