Love, Self

FYI: Grown-Ass Women Dress For Themselves — Not To Please Men

Photo: WeHeartIt
confident women dress for themselves

Boys have this adorable tendency to believe everything is always about them. 

Blame it on genetics or society or whatever you want, but virtually all women have felt the unwanted pressure of male opinion — especially when it comes to how we look. 

While yes, there are plenty of times in a woman's life where she dresses up in hopes to drop one or several men to their knees, I can say with some level of certainty that 80% of the time, that's not the case. 

I had boyfriend in high school who's favorite hobby was trying to dominate every aspect of my life. I was a naive 15 and didn't totally understand what was happening until he tried to make me throw out my favorite pair of pants.

I found these awesome army green capri pants for 5 bucks at Goodwill, and I was obsessed. Until one day he told me they made my butt look flat. 


At this time, he was very well aware that I was always comparing myself to the well endowed girls at my school who have been looking like adults since they were 7. 

It hurt. So I buried the pants and my feelings deep down in a drawer and tried to forget the whole thing.

Though he was not the only guy to make me question my looks, thankfully the period of my life where I was dressing entirely for the male gaze was cut very short due to confusion and a unwillingness to work that hard. For once, my laziness was the reason for my success. 

There were so many contradictions that I couldn't keep up. One guy would tell me I need to wear tighter clothes to highlight my ass and another would have me believing that anything outside of baggy jeans were considered slutty. The whole thing made no effing sense. 

Men want you to wear tight clothes, but not too tight. Dress like they could take you to meet their parents, but not too boring or bland. Wear clothes that would make other guys jealous, but not so jealous they'd want to hit on you. 

They want everything and nothing all at the same time. 


Now mind you, I have no problem with some constructive criticism. If what I'm wearing is sincerely unflattering or offensive — like a g-string and some nipple tassels — then please don't let me leave the house. 

But if my army green capri pants aren't hurting anyone, then why say anything?

On the opposite end of things, women love to makeover their boyfriends. I see it all the time and am guilty of it myself.

Thankfully, a lot of the guys I've dated (with exceptionally dressed few) don't really care about what they wear, so my suggestions don't bother them. This could have something to do with the fact that boys are hardly ever criticized for their clothes, but we'll save that for another lesson.


I have also met girls who gladly let their boyfriends pick out their outfits because style was never something they worried about. It doesn't seem to undermined their confidence — and some guys are actually pretty good at it — so what's the harm? 

What it always comes down to is honesty.

If you love dressing up and having ownership over your sense of style, then make sure the guy you're dating knows that. Or if you've had self-esteem issues and you're more sensitive than the norm when it comes to your looks, then tell him that. 

In any relationship, the most important thing to do is to know your comfort levels and communicate them to the other person. Doing that should keep you safely away from any manipulating assholes. 

Because no matter who you're with (or without), you should be able to wear whatever the eff you want.