Vagina Beer Is Here And It's Just As Gross As It Sounds

Photo: WeHeartIt

Bottoms up?

In today's segment of things you wished you never learned, we present to you: vagina beer. Yes, that's beer made from bacteria found inside your vagina. 

"Bottled Instinct" promises to "capture the essence of femininity," by taking lactic acid bacteria and combining it with water, malt, hops, wooden chips and yeast to craft what their calling a delicious brew. And though it's made from vaginas, the product's creator, The Order of Yoni, promises no vaginal smell or taste. Thank God. 


Now The Order didn't grab some rando-vagina off the streets, mind you. According to their questionably sexist campaign video (see below), they searched high and low for a woman who "personifies femininity, natural charm, and lure." Please hold your gags till the end. It gets worse. 

Czech model Alexandra Brendlova is the lucky lady being used to kick start the product — which by the way, the company is attempting to raise $170,000 for. The search took quite a bit of time because apparently it's hard to find the kind of woman whose "pheromones will stay with you." 

It turns out, The Order's vagina standard is pretty high. The company is making any potential models who want to use their vaginas for beer production (I'm sure there's TONS) sign a contract that will penalize them for working in the adult industry. Because apparently that would affect the quality of a woman's vagina bacteria. Riiiiiiiiight. 

Plans for future beer include bacteria from women with specific hair colors, and if you support the campaign by donating $11,000, The Order will create an especially romantic beer made from your girlfriend's vagina.

Because what we really want, is for you to drink us (and maybe even play a round of vagina beer pong). 

Behold ... Bottled Instinct!