Self, Heartbreak

No, Men: Having Vaild Emotions Doesn't Make A Woman 'Crazy'

Photo: weheartit
Stop Crazy-Shaming Women

A friend of mine recently broke up with his long-term girlfriend. When I inquired about what happened, I heard a line I've heard far too often from men regarding their exes: "It didn't work out  she was crazy." 

I get it, man. You don't want to go into your remorseful past. But as a woman who was actually crazy, I know the kind of dedication that went into earning that title, and frankly, not every woman has that kind of zeal. What did she do that was crazy? I need more details.

How could it be that out of the plethora of male friends in my life, every woman they've dated could have been diagnosed as certifiably insane? The statistical probability of all women being crazy just doesn't seem high.


I need to put an end to this recycled gender stereotype, not because I'm a warrior for justice or peace, but because when I've put my effort into earning a title, I'd like for it to mean something. Maybe your ex once got really angry and threw a plate at your head. Well, I once wrapped my ankle with an ace bandage but that doesn't make me a doctor.

In the search to defend my moniker, I searched for women who have been called crazy by their exes (literally any woman on the street) to draw some psychological comparisons. The answers lacked the same kind of specificity that the accusations did. Here were just a few of the reasons these women were crowned crazy by their exes:

  • For "having a feeling"
  • For "asking questions about his past when things didn't seem to be making sense"
  • For "being too emotional"
  • For "debating gun control"
  • For "having insomnia"
  • For "crying a lot"
  • For "pulling a knife on him"

Let me state: Crazy is not necessarily pulling a knife on someone. Crazy is hiding the knives from yourself in case you get the impulse to stab someone after a night of drinking. How would I know that? I told you already: because "crazy" was my nom de guerre, and hiding those knives was what I did to earn it.

All these women did was show an emotion and all of a sudden they're dubbed Queen Lunatic? Showing an emotion, by the way, is something I assume their exes wished they could do but were too suppressed to allow it, which is paradoxically more unhealthy and could lead to heart disease. If you think I'm off-base, maybe you're right. I have no evidence to back that up.


For those of you who are too dense to understand this concept, let me explain: 

Crazy is not a drunk woman keying your car because she was "angry." Crazy is a sober woman crashing your car into a lake because she "wanted to drive on the golf course." 

Crazy is not crying in public. Crazy is getting misdiagnosed for Rabies during a manic episode.

Crazy is not asking questions about your past. Crazy is breaking into your house, finding you with another girl, and chasing you down a fire escape yelling, "I caught you cheating" weeks after I broke up with you.

Those are just three examples from my personal life but the amount of work that went into them was significant. A fire-escape chase is not easy, especially in the snow, especially drunk.

I put my blood, sweat and tears into earning the description of a crazy woman. I wear that like a badge of honor. I don't want my accomplishments watered down by a million men and their unwillingness to recognize women as more emotionally evolved than they are.


What I'm trying to say to all men everywhere is this: be precise with your language. If you broke up with someone because they were emotional, say that. Don't go throwing the term crazy at women who haven't earned it. Give credit where it's due. Stop stealing my spotlight.