Dear Men: Sorry But Having Kids Doesn't Make Me Any LESS Attractive

Once upon a time, I was on Twitter lamenting about not finding love. I was saying how I attract emotionally unavailable men. Out of nowhere, a dude I never interacted with before comes along and replies, "Children scare men."

It took me a moment to figure out what the hell he was talking about. I presumed he meant that the concept of having children wasn't desirable to men. But then my brain started playing around with the idea, and I imagined my two kids dressed up in monster costumes standing in a dark hallway deliberately trying to cock-block me and laughed out loud.

Though I was relatively certain what he meant by his comment, I wanted to confirm he was making a mass generalization before I retaliated.

I asked him what he meant and he said that when a man finds out that a woman has children, he becomes afraid. I prodded him and wanted to know what he meant by "afraid." He went on to say that men don't want to raise another man's children.

I felt like he was making a lot of assumptions. Every man is scared of children? Children aren't scary. They're fun and weird and sometimes they lose their teeth and get money for it. They love chocolate and ice cream and they say weird, funny stuff. Why would men be scared of children?

But then I realized he was speaking the truth.

One time, I joined a dating website for 24 hours. I was chatting with a nice guy. We spoke about our random jobs that we had in our three decade adult lives, our pets, hobbies, and favorite movies. Then he found out I had kids. He stopped replying to my texts and disappeared. I started to believe that weird Twitter guy was on to something.

I still don't know why men are terrified of children, but it's lame. Single moms want to have romance and some semblance of a sex life, too. Why should the fact that I have children make me any less attractive?

I love my children and they also drive me crazy, but they are a big part of my life. They come with this package. So if you love me, you love them. You also love chocolate pudding pie. (I've decided that you do.)

I know men who love children are out there. My friend Trish met an amazing man who embraced her children when they entered into a relationship. He has children of his own and they now have a beautiful blended family. These men are out there. Trish's story gives me hope as a single mother. 

Would I date a man who had children of his own if I was childless? Yes. I don't judge men who have children as I have been judged. Part of being in love is accepting what comes with the other person; children are a part of our lives — a deep part of them. Plus, it would be hypocritical of me not to accept a man because he had children. 

Men, please stop judging women if they have children. Don't write off a woman as undateable just because she has two little shorties she lives with. Those children are her universe and there's also room in it for you.

This article was originally published at james-writes.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.