
It should come from you, mamas.
By Sarah Fader — Written on Feb 04, 2016
Photo: weheartit

When I was a teenager no one talked to me about sex. My best friend started having sex at the time I had a boyfriend. I told him that I thought it was time that we had sex. He asked me why, since we were nowhere close to ready to have sex. I said that I had been thinking about it, and since my best friend was doing it I thought we ought to give it a shot.
We weren't even emotionally ready to have sex. But I felt like everyone else was doing it, so why not?
I was extremely naive when it came to sex and sexuality at 15. I was self-conscious about my body (as most teens are), and yet I wanted to fit in with the crowd of girls who seemed to have it "all together."
As a teenage girl I engaged in risky sexual behavior. I blame the fact that I went to an arts high school where we never had a real health class. No one was talking about syphilis, teen pregnancy or HIV. We were learning voice and diction and Shakespeare. There was a gross deficit of information pertaining to sex.
I'm so lucky I didn't get pregnant or end up with an STD in high school. Not that I was sleeping around, but I wasn't particularly careful about using condoms. I was in monogamous relationships throughout my adolescence, but again, not the point. I still could've gotten gonorrhea or had a baby put up there.
One day, my daughter will be a teenager. I want her to feel comfortable talking to me about sex. I want her to be able to ask me the questions I felt I couldn't ask my parents because I was too shy to do so. I know: me, shy? Weird, right?
Here are six things I will teach my daughter about sexuality.
1. To feel comfortable talking to her mom about sex.
I will create an open and honest environment where she's free to ask me anything she wants about sex. I will not shame her. I'll tell her that if she plans on having sex, she's welcome to ask me anything beforehand. I will also make sure she knows about STDs and teen pregnancy.
2. To know the importance of sexual health.
If my daughter wants to see a gynecologist about getting on birth control, I will allow that. That's a sign of her taking responsibility for her body.
3. To love her body.
When I was a teenager I wasn't confident in my own skin. I will show her that there are different kind of bodies: skinny ones, curvy ones, big bodies and smaller frames. They are all beautiful in their own way. I want my daughter to love who she is on the outside and the inside. I will encourage her to dress the way she likes so she feels beautiful.
4. To know that she is the most important person in her life.
I will encourage her to love herself, first and foremost. I learned from a young age (being brainwashed by romantic comedies) that co-dependency was the new normal. The truth is that you can't love anyone unless you love yourself. I want my daughter to look inward and love herself. That's priority number one.
5. To never settle for less.
If I notice that my daughter is in a relationship where her partner is treating her disrespectfully, I will tell her. I can't control if she stays with that person or not, but I will let her know that she deserves better and doesn't need to stay with someone who doesn't treat her like the prize that she is.
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6. To know she always has your support.
Lastly, an issue that I want to address is the idea of gender and sexuality. If my daughter realizes that she is gay, bi, trans or gender fluid, I support her 100 percent. I want my daughter to know that she can be open and honest with me about sex. I don't need to hear the details of her sex life, but I do want to know that she's taking responsibility for her body and her life.
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Read Sarah's book Old School/New School Mom here.
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