Brutal Truth: If You Can't Trust Them, You Can't Love Them

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you dont love her

The first time I learned I was cheated on, all I could remember was her face streaming with tears, trying to assure me she still loved me and that it was only a mistake. I was young so I accepted it, thinking it was a one-time thing, never to happen again.

When she cheated the next time and the next time after that, I was numb but blamed myself. 

Years later, as I lay in bed with someone who wasn't my girlfriend, I thought about that girl who said she loved me. I wondered how I would explain what I was doing to my current girlfriend who had no idea.

She died before she ever found out. Life has a funny way of doing that. She died, hopefully knowing that I loved her. But did I really?

Trust is a huge part of love, and if that trust is broken, how real is the love?

Make no mistake, love and sex aren't mutually exclusive, but love and trust must be. If you're willing to break that trust, where's the love? And just as love and sex aren't mutually exclusive, neither are love and relationships. People commit to one another for a variety of reasons — and it isn't always about love. 

Maybe that's the problem: Maybe we tell one another that we love each other way too soon or we say it but we don't mean it. 

Love is a key of sorts. Not always a key to one's heart but rather a key to destinations further south. When we're with someone, we need to feel like we're the only one, even if we're not. This leads to deception because it's easier to screw over the one you claim to love while you're screwing someone else. 

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Truth be told, after awhile, we sometimes believe our own lies. See, when you're with someone so long, you assume that love can still exist even if the passion isn't there.

But love should be treated as a verb, not a noun. Love shouldn't be about complacency or settling. 

When that feeling goes, so does the love. So think about that the next time you choose to cheat. There's nothing wrong with wanting someone else, someone new. But don't think you still love the person you're willing to hurt just because you want a short-term burst of passion. If you truly loved them, you'd do the one thing that's a true act of love: You'd say goodbye — either to the affair or to the person you love.