How Someone Treats You Is How They Feel About You. Period.

How he treats you is how he feels about you.

How Someone Treats You Is How They Feel About You. Period. VGstockstudio / Shutterstock

It's no secret that how he treats you is how he feels about you. At least, in adult life. 

Back in grade school, I used to treat the girls I liked like crap as a way to show them that I liked them.

If he makes you feel like garbage, remember — how he treats you is how he feels about you. 

I know I wasn't the only one because boys are pretty stupid when it comes to affairs of the heart, at least when we're young.


I couldn't tell you where that came from or who decided the whole "kiss the girls and make them cry" thing was something that should even exist outside of a nursery rhyme.

I do know that sometimes, girls went for it, and somehow it stuck.

Of course, that's something best left in the playground of our youth.

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Sadly, as adults we still play games with each other's hearts and the more you fall for it, the more someone will continue to play. 

However, sometimes what seems like "being coy" is actually a sign.

You know a man values you, if he treats you with respect. You know if a guy is treating you badly if he makes you feel bad.


Namecalling, mocking, and flat-out flaking in your relationship are not the signs of a boyfriend who treats you right. That is just unacceptable behavior.

Putting yourself out there for love is no easy journey, but you deserve to be treated like the queen that you are. 

If a man treats you poorly, chances are he thinks poorly of you. It's not an issue of playing hard to get or wanting to keep you on a leash — if they don't treat you well, they simply don't like you — or even worse, they don't respect you.

Ask any relationship expert and one of the first things they'll tell you is that there's nothing more important in a relationship than communication. If you want to find out how things are going, the hope is that there's enough maturity in the relationship to be able to have that conversation without devolving into silence or shouting.

"How someone treats you a sign that points to something deeper — how they feel about themselves. It's inevitable that we may take it personally when we hear a comment or critique about ourselves. Recognise that others can observe and express their opinion, so focus on building a two-way relationship instead," says expert Mei Phing Lim.


The reality, however, is that communication exists in layers, so while things can be spoken, the old adage of "actions speak louder than words" is never more true.

Some people just aren't great communicators but if they treat you like a queen, that's exactly how they see you. But the reverse can also (and more often) be true, and it's up to you to recognize the signs and act accordingly.

If he doesn't listen to you, he likely doesn't care. If he talks over you, he believes his opinion is more important than yours. If he's rude to you, he doesn't respect you.

So if and when you finally realize his actions are intricately tied to his feelings, what do you do? Here are three rules you have to follow no matter what:

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1. Do not ignore it.

If you notice treatment you don't like, don't dig in and hope that it'll blow over. The more you fall back, the more you accept, the more you will receive. It'll get worse if the behavior is allowed to go unchecked.

2. Don't trade bad treatment for more bad treatment.

Turnabout might be fair play, but it doesn't fix a relationship. While he may treat you the way he feels about you, giving him the same treatment only leads to a silent passive-aggressive war that will only make things worse. And you should be out of the relationship waaaay before that.

3. If you see something, say something.

If you notice some changes or are unhappy with the way he's treating you, be straight up. He might deny it at first, but if you lay it all out on the table and confront him  not just with what he says, but what he does  you'll find out everything you need to make the decision that's best for you.


In the end, people will always tell you everything you need to know; you just need to listen and observe well enough to get the message.

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In addition to broadcasting, Hashim Hathaway also writes for a number of publications and guests on talk radio in a number of markets.